I stared at my ceiling as I thought of the day's events. My bed underneath me creaked again but it didn't bother me like it normally did. My face was starting to hurt from the amount of smiling I had done in the past few hours, but I couldn't stop. He finally told me the truth. After all these years of games and secrets, he was finally able to say that I actually mean something to him. I kept replaying our walk home from school, over and over trying to dissect every word of every sentence. I began to replay it again.
"Christian?" I looked down at the cracked pavement as I walked. I could feel my heartbeats becoming extremely fast so I took a breath to calm myself. "I need to know! I'm sick of always having to guess! You said that you couldn't handle being around me because of Dean. How I used to be around him and how he would flirt with me. Why?"
I looked up at him. His long eyelashes cast shadows down his pale face as he began to speak.
"I told you," He said while fiddling with his silver ring. He never went anywhere without it. It was his grandmothers and she had given it to him after she passed away, "I'm protective over my friends and he isn't good enough for you."
He began to walk faster. Every time I brought it up, he would say the exact same thing but I was always too scared to keep asking. I couldn't let my fears get in the way of finding the truth this time.
"I don't believe you," I said while trying not to bite my lip, "Do you care when any of your other female friends talk to other guys?"
He stopped walking and turned to me. He caught my eyes and almost smiled.
"You caught on to that, huh?" He sighed and kept walking.
I stood there trying to regain some sort of composure then ran to catch up to him, almost tripping on the uneven pavement. We laughed at my clumsiness and continued walking. Okay, it was now or never. I had to ask him how he felt. What if he says he doesn't care again? What if he says he does? I bit my bottom lip trying to find the right words to say. Come on Lucinda, you can do this. I closed my eyes and balled my fists.
"Christian? Do you have feelings for me?"
I slowly opened my eyes. He had stopped walking and was standing in front of me. His normally pale face looked almost red. The sun made his usually dark eyes and hair golden. He brushed his hair out of his eyes with his hand and sighed.
He whispered "Yes. I do like you. So much. I have for a long time."
My jaw almost hit the pavement. I couldn't speak
"But we can't be together." He added quickly and began walking again.
That statement brought me out of my daze. The only sort of reply I could come up with at that moment was a stupid "Why?" As I caught up to him.
"Because I'm not living at home. You know I had to leave."
"Oh. So..."
My brain seemed to have been stolen and replaced with a brick at that moment. I could not think of anything to say. A few moments later I fully processed what was going on and had a few questions.
"Wait, if you feel this way about me," The words started to pour out of my mouth, "Then why did you say that you didn't like me a few weeks back? When someone told you I was getting annoyed that you were flirting with other girls, you told me you didn't like anyone. You apologized for it as well, so you knew it hurt me!"
"It was better for you not to know." He said avoiding my gaze.
That didn't make sense. He was completely confusing me! I went to say something when he stumbled on the pavement like I had, and we both laughed again. I then tried to speak again.
"After that day I tried moving on. All that stuff with Dean was because of you. He would be a great boyfriend you know? He's kind and funny," I could see Christian tense when I mentioned Dean, "But, he's not... Well... You"
I felt my cheeks heat up so I looked down causing my long fringe to cover my eyes. I never thought I would be able to say something like that to him. Ever.
I looked up and realised that I was home. Damn. Christian must have seen my face drop because he grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me close to him.
He smiled and hugged me. When we pulled apart he said "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"
"I thought you didn't go to school on Thursdays?" I replied confused.
"Maybe" He smiled.
I began to turn away when he grabbed my arm and said "One more" then hugged me again. I buried my face into his neck. We stood there for seconds, Minutes, Hours? Who cared! He was holding me and I was happy. He pushed me back a little and looked into my eyes. He did that half smile I loved so much and leaned down and slowly, his lips gently touched mine. He pulled back and smiled. And, just like I had imagined a thousand times before, he hugged my waist and kissed me again. My heartbeats were going crazy. I began to let go when he whispered in my ear. "Don't ever change. I love you just the way you are." I quickly pulled back and groaned.
"What?" He asked with a smile "Too corny?"
I laughed and replied "No, it's just... I don't know"
Now it's going to be even harder to let go. I added silently.
Thinking back over it I realised some parts didn't sound right. He had said that he had liked me for a long time. And the reason we couldn't be together is because he left home. He only left home a few days ago? Was it an excuse for not wanting to be with me?
I sat up in my bed and replayed some parts again. He never talks to me or hugs me like that when there are people around either. Was he embarrassed about having feelings for me? Or was it all just a lie? My head began to hurt so I went downstairs to the bathroom to take a shower. Showers always calm me down and let me think through things clearly, though this time it didn't seem to help. I just kept asking myself the same questions over and over. Am I not good enough for him? Does he even care? He seemed like he cared. GAH! I picked up my favourite shampoo and massaged it into my annoyingly long black hair. I should cut it. I remembered awhile ago, I had asked Christian what he would do if I cut my hair. The look he gave me was hilarious. He loved my hair. Everyone loved my hair except for me. It was too much of a hassle, and I was too lazy.
After my extremely long shower and being yelled at by my mother for leaving my clothes in the bathroom, I went back to my room and went straight for my small and crowded bookcase. Reading was my escape from reality. I opened a book at random and let myself become the character.
~~Let me know what you think! This is my first attempt at writing & I hope you like it.. The pic on the side is a front cover I came up with (: OH! & this actually is based on a true story (: ~~
