The next day I was so excited I even was able to get out of bed on time. It was end of the week and I get to see Christian again. I decided to wear some makeup and hopefully make me look pretty. Bit of a lost cause really, but I tried and looking in the mirror with eyeliner and mascara shaping my bright blue eyes, I thought I actually looked... Nice. My eyes were the only asset I had. Everyone complimented them. Strangers would walk up to me on the street and comment on how nice they were. I didn't see it though. When I saw my eyes all I noticed were that they were a sort of greyish, greenish blue with lots of silver specks, but apparently they deserved attention that caused me to blush scarlet red. I looked down at my bottom lip and frowned. I had always been really clumsy and I was covered in scars to prove it. When I was younger I had fallen from a highchair and split my lip straight down the middle. Now I have a permanent scar there. I looked at my left hand with had a burn mark from putting my hand in the oven as a baby and the scratches I got from my unfriendly cat on my arms. I hated those imperfections and desperately wished they would disappear. I stepped back I looked at myself in my full length mirror and tilted my head. The uniform, of course, was horrible on me but I shrugged and left for school.
I didn't see Christian anywhere. It came to lunch and I turned Taylor.
"Is he here today? I haven't seen him anywhere! And I really want a hug" I laughed.
While pulling out lettuce from her sandwich she replied "Um. I think Paige said he was. Don't worry. You know he always comes to our spot halfway through lunch, after he has had a smoke."
I made a face at that. The worse thing about Christian is that he smokes. I've tried to get him to stop but he says that it helps him get through everything he deals with at home. So I stopped bugging him.
"You're right." I pushed aside my packet of chips and pulled out my phone and started playing some music. Taylor and I began to sing along, and then we started dancing and laughing.
A few moments later we were joined by Paige and another member of our small group of friends, Olivia.
Looking at then standing next to each other was quite funny. They looked completely opposite. Paige was quite thin with long blonde hair, which stood in contrast to her dark eyebrows, though her hair was naturally blonde, and she had bright blue eyes. Whereas Olivia had curves, long brown hair and brown eyes.
"You know what's weird?" Paige asked as she sat down. "The other day it was barely even sunny, and I got sunburnt. How does that even happen?" She held out a red arm.
"Maybe because you're so pale, even Edward Cullen is jealous?" I shrugged. Everyone started laughing.
"Hey Lucindaaa". Olivia sung. "It's your lover boy."
I looked to where she was pointing and smiled. Christian was coming towards us on his skateboard. I'm sure that's against the rules, but I doubt he cared, which was another reason he was so amazing. I loved the bad boy image. My smile suddenly disappeared when I saw the look on his face.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Who did you tell?!" He practically yelled at me.
"W-What? What are you talking about?" I stuttered a reply. Everyone around me went silent.
"What we talked about yesterday!" He threw his skateboard down to the ground. I didn't trust my voice so I just pointed to the people around me, there was no point in lying, and he knew I would have told Paige at least.
"Who else?" He asked with force.
"No one! Why are you getting so angry?!" I yelled back at him. I was surprised I was able to do that, I've never been good at confrontations.
He stared at me for a moment then picked up his skateboard and started to walk away.
"What?! Are you embarrassed about how you feel, Christian?!" I yelled as he walked off. He didn't reply, but I didn't need one.
My eyes began to fill with water. I tried to hold the tears back but I couldn't. I'm not good enough for him. Taylor put her slender arms around me and as I cried into her shoulder. Paige and Olivia said nothing until after a few moments when I was able to pull myself together and wipe away my tears. I remembered the mascara I had put on that morning and swore.
"Is there black stuff around my eyes now?" I asked Taylor, my voice barely audible. She wiped my face and said it was fine.
I looked up and saw Olivia staring at something on the table and Paige with a book in her hand. I became annoyed that they just sat there and did nothing while I broke down. But then, I thought, what could they do? I decided to play some more music. I put on my favourite song, '30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill' and screamed the lyrics in my head. Every time I got angry at Christian I would play this song, which is why it was my most played song on iTunes.
"What do you want?" I barely heard Olivia ask.
I looked up and found Christian standing there. My eyes were probably still red from crying. Great. I didn't want him to see me like this. "Look what you've done Christian!" Olivia yelled at him gesturing to me. I pulled out my earphones and looked down.
"Lucinda?" My chest squeezed as he said my name. "I'm sorry. It was all a big misunderstanding" He opened his arms and said "Come here"
I could feel myself starting to cry again. I couldn't let him treat me like this anymore! Let him make me think he cared then stomp on me when he felt like it. I needed to do something to let him know that it wasn't okay. I looked up at him and took a deep breath.
"You keep doing this to me" My voice was shaking as I said it.
I looked back down and a few tears dropped onto the surface of the table. From the corner of my eye I saw Christian's arms drop to his sides and his back hit the wall. He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the cold concrete and put his head in his hands. I didn't know those few words could have done that much damage but I knew if stayed here too long I will give in and forgive him for everything and let him hold me again. Even though I wanted it so much I stood and left everyone behind. A few seconds later I heard Olivia yelling at him and I was joined by Taylor who led me to a deserted bench near the basketball courts where we sat and she tried to comfort me.
"Don't worry about him! He is such a jerk!" Taylor said as she looked through her bag for some tissues.
"I should have known it was too good to be true. He's never been 'nice'" I sniffed and Taylor handed me a tissue.
"Yeah, remember your sixteenth birthday? What he said to Olivia. I wanted to kill him for that."
On my birthday this year, Christian and I weren't on speaking terms. He had told me that if I got my nose pierced he wouldn't speak to me again, but I wasn't going to let him push me around so I went ahead and got it done. While walking to class on my birthday I overheard Olivia talking to him. She had asked if he was going to at least say 'Happy Birthday' to me but his reply was a simple no, and that he was miserable on his birthday so I can be miserable on mine. I was shocked that he could say something so mean but instead of becoming upset about it and letting him win, I lifted my head and told myself that I would not let him treat me like that. I guess that sort of failed seeing as I'm back here again, but he had apologized and told me that he just couldn't deal with me being friends with Dean. It didn't make sense. Dean didn't go to school anymore so I barely saw him anyway. It also didn't exactly excuse the rudeness, but I couldn't let him go.
Taylor had stopped speaking and we sat there in silence, I could see that she was staring at the year 12 boy and I didn't mind. At least one of us was happy.
