With You ✔

24

Kit

Here's the thing: The headaches are hell, the nausea is torture, the tests and appointments are never ending, and sleeping days away when I have so few of them left is pissing me off.

But Ellie. Ellie is perfect and Ellie is like sunshine. Ellie is my lifeline, and when things get too hard or dark, she's there to bring me back. Ever since I told Ellie about my tumor she's been by my side, and I know she struggles - but like Finn, she doesn't let me see. They have each other and that's what I want for them, to have someone when this is all over.

For a few weeks after my hospitalization, I was fine - well, as fine as I could have been at the time. Everything was the same as it had been for the past year, my headaches were mild and everything was manageable. On Thanksgiving I got a headache that was a little more intense than normal, I thought I was okay and that everything was fine, but then it got worse.

I spent the first week of December in the hospital, and when I was released, my medication dosage was increased and now I spend way more time that I would like sleeping my life away because of it. While my good days still don't outweigh my bad, it's definitely becoming a close race.

I fight to open my eyes, which are still heavy despite the hours I just spent sleeping. There's still sun shining through my window, so at least I didn't waste an entire day. When I roll over I notice that Ellie is no longer sitting in the bed next to me doing her homework like she was when I fell asleep.

Stretching, I get up and head downstairs to see if I missed dinner. Halfway down the stairs I hear her laugh, and even though I wouldn't have blamed her for leaving and going home, I'm glad that she didn't.

When I get to the bottom of the stairs I see Finn come in the front door with a bag in his hand, "Hey."

He looks over in my direction as he takes his coat off and hangs it on the hook by the door, "Hey, you woke up just in time. I had to go get some pasta noodles, but dinner should be ready soon." He holds up the grocery bag in his hand as Ellie comes down the hall from the direction of the kitchen. Her hair is pulled on top of her head and the sleeves of her sweater are rolled up to her elbows, signs that she's helping cook.

"Did you get it?" She asks Finn before walking over to me.

"Yep."

Finn heads toward the kitchen with the bag, and Ellie wraps her arms around my waist, tilting her head back so that she can look at me. "How do you feel?"

I used to hate that question. I used to get annoyed or even angry with my mom for asking me that exact same question, but I get it now. It's not to annoy me or to undermine my own ability to take care of myself, it's for them - for their peace of mind. "It's a little better. How long was I asleep?"

She moves one arm from it's hold on me so that she can check the time on her Apple Watch, "Just a few hours."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"Don't be. I got my essay done and got to spend some time with your mom." I instantly smile when she does, as if it's a reflex - like Ellie's happiness is entwined with my own. How could I not be happy and smiling if she is, how could that smile not make everyone around smile in return?

I can't believe I ever wanted to prevent Ellie and my mom from meeting. Ever since they first met, they've instantly clicked. Ellie is the daughter my mom has always wanted and they love spending time with one another. Just last week Ellie came walking through my front door and when I asked her if we had plans that I had forgotten about, she said that she was actually there to meet my mom because they were going out for lunch.

It's not just my mom though, obviously Finn loves El, but so does my grandma - the two of them can talk about books and celebrity gossip for hours. When Ellie is around, this house is more alive that it's ever been, and so are the people inside of it.

"Ellie!"

"Oops, I'm supposed to be learning how to make home made sauce." She quickly releases her hold on me and makes a move to walk away, but I catch her wrist before she can.

"Hey." I pull her back towards me as she raises her brows, questioning the action.

"Hey?"

"I love you."

"Do you ever get tired of saying that?" She asks, reaching up so that her arms are around my neck.

"Do you ever get tired of hearing it?" I counter, placing my hands on her hips and pulling her closer.

"Never."

Our lips are just about to touch when - "Ellie, stop making out with my brother and get in here and cook!"

Ellie

Christmas is a week away, and today is the first day of winter break. It's snowing outside, Kit and I are curled up on the couch watching Elf, drinking hot chocolate, and today is one of his good days. I can't think of a better way to start this break.

Halfway through the movie my mom comes into the room, "Ellie, would you mind pausing the movie for a second?"

I nod my head, untangling myself from Kit and the many blankets we have covered ourselves in before reaching for the remote and pausing the movie. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just...I wanted to talk to you about something before I head into work." She's fidgeting with her hands and avoiding eye contact, both of which is making me extremely nervous. As if he can sense my discomfort, Kit takes my hand in his.

"Mom, what is it?" I ask after a moment passes and she still hasn't said anything. Kit and I are both looking at her, and Kit squeezes my had to let me know that whatever news she is about to hit me with, he's here.

It takes her a couple more minutes to gather up the courage, but eventually she says, "I'm dating someone, Ellie."

I know what she was expecting, she was expecting me to be upset and say something like, "What about dad?". When the words finally leave her mouth, she stands up straight, ready to defend herself. She probably has a whole speech in her mind that she's ready to present me with, but after my dad completely threw me aside six months ago, I felt what my mom had been feeling all those years in their marriage. I never thought that my mom and dad were going to get back together, I'm not stupid, and I'm too old for that kind of blind hope.

I release Kit's hand and stand, walking over to my mom. Her eyes stay glues to mine as I approach her, and when I hug her, she lets out a huge sigh of relief. "That's great, mom."

With me gone all the time, either to school or at the twin's house, or the hospital with Kit, my mom needs someone. "So what's his name? How did you meet?"

"His name is David and we work together. He's actually the partner that I've been having meetings with on Saturdays."

"Were they actually meetings?" I ask, winking as my mom rolls her eyes and lets out a laugh.

"At first they were, yes."

"But?"

"But then he kept coming to my office every day and dropping of pages to files that he had forgotten, and eventually he asked me out on a date."

I hug her again, genuinely happy that she has finally found someone that makes her smile the way she's smiling right now. "I can't wait to meet him, mom."

She hugs me back, a little tighter this time. When we release one another she looks over at Kit who is watching the encounter from the couch, "That's part of why I wanted to talk to you. David wants the four of us to go out for dinner this weekend."

I look over my shoulder at Kit as he says, "We'd love to."

When she leaves for work a few minutes later, for the first time in a really long time, I see a genuine smile on my mom's face.