for the stars

#5

Every night I watch this flame,

I watch it flicker from side to side

as I too burn

with the lull of another sleepless night.

It's not the same,

not the same flame

that burns deep into

the night.

Though it may seem brave,

it's sniffing out.

Under the burning

warmth and light,

an understated pain about it.

One they would never see,

because happy is all I'll ever seem.

- 

The flame is essentially a metaphor for one self. You may appear the same to those who don't know you or look close enough, but you're "not the same flame" just as you may change a candle every time it burns out. It may look the same, but it's not. I wrote this when I appeared to be unaffected by this breakup I was going through in the eyes of people that didn't know me, but knew him. Whenever I was under the gaze of these eyes, I kept thinking I must have looked like such a bad person for smiling and laughing with my friends. But they didn't know what went on behind closed doors. I suffered too and felt like falling apart, in my own private ways. I didn't want to be miserable all the time when I had things to get on with and people that did make me happy. These reminded I hadn't lost everything by letting this relationship go and that it didn't matter whether they saw me hurt or not. It was my pain to deal with, not one for anybody else to see.