Of Battered Hearts & Bitter Coffee

Am i weak?

Am I weak?
For shutting up so that I do not hurt any sentiments,
For refusing to answer back so as to prevent any backlash,

For behaving like it doesn't affect me so that I wouldn't be mocked,
For behaving like I have no emotions, Because I'm too scared face them myself,
For suppressing my anger so that I wouldn't hurt someone I love,
For suppressing my tears,
Because I fear they won't never stop,

Am I weak?
For refusing happiness because I fear it is fickle,
For refusing attachment to a person for I fear I will hurt myself in the end,
For second guessing every good gesture towards me,

For smiling when I'm hurting and breaking on the inside, 
just so that people wouldn't look at me with pity,

For wrapping myself in a seemingly unbreakable armour just to protect the my fragile, cracked soul,

Am I weak?
For scrubbing my skin till it bleeds just so that I can wash off the scent of despair clinging to me.