Shattered Heart (Completed)

Lost for Words

AN: HAd been a long time, I know. I'm sorry!! Been quite busy this past few weeks. But I finally found time to post this chapter, it's short but it's better than nothing, aye? And I'm also sorry for not replying to any of your comments, I have read them and I do appreciate them. Thanks for always reminding me to update. again, I'm sorry but, enjoy?

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Julia's P.O.V

             My eyes fluttered open as I realise what I'm doing. This is wrong. I pulled back and met eyes with a very shocked Daniel.

 "I'm sorry, I did not mean to..." He said but trailed off. 

"No. It was me, I'm sorry." I managed to say before turning my back at him and started making my way inside the house.

"JULIA, I'M SORRY!!" he called out behind me but I did not look back. I was too ashamed with my actions to face him or anyone else.

            I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the bewildered expression of my sister. As I shut the bedroom door behind me I felt the strangled cry that escaped before I could even catch myself. I slid down beside the bed and curled myself up in a ball, resting my chin between my knees.

            I chastised myself for giving in so damn quickly. I wanted to tear my hair apart. Everthing he showed me was, --- what was that term he used? ah--- a masquerade, everything was nothing but a masquerade. He's just pretending to be sweet and all, so everyone will buy the 'his my boyfriend' excuse we plotted. I know that, but why am I feeling this way? This strange flame that seemed to have lit up inside me. The tingles that I felt the moment our lips met. That stupid little voice that says it missed his touch the moment it's withdrawn. 

           A lot of questions were lingering on my head. I'm confused. What is this feeling and why am I feeling this way? I could not even think of AJ. I can't afford it. It's impossible to think about him without thinking of the pain I'm causing him. I know that he's gone, but I know wherever he is, he could still see me. I know he's watching over me. How did he feel when he saw me kissing a boy I barely knew. I bet he's disappointed, I know he is! Even though were not together anymore, I sitll feel the need of being loyal to him. Maybe because of guilt? The guilt that will hunt me forever. The knowledge that he died in an attempt to save me will never leave my heart.

         Wait, what am I saying? That it's just because of guilt that I'm still being loyal to aJ? That it's only by guilt and not love? Before DJ came into my life,  I have never doubted my feelings for AJ. Never have I doubted what we had. But now? just because of a kiss, everthing in my life up until now is falling apart, suddenly everthing I knew and felt seemed to have vanished. My mind and my heart are caught in a chaos.

          I wanted to cry out, scream and tear my hair apart. But instead, I sat beside the bed and cried. Looking outside the window as my vision started to blur because of the tears. Cry and occassionally scream. I sat their and cried myself to sleep. I'm a coward. 

DJ's P.O.V

         I laid her on the bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin. She looked so sweet and fragile. None of her features will give away her past. None will tell you this girl had been through alot before. That she was no longer a virgin. That she had witnessed a murder and was held hostage for months. If I could just  jump back to the past and save her. But I did not know her then, no, we were just strangers, but what if... what if I was there. I could have saved her and she woudn't have experienced hell in Paul's hands. GODDAMN IT!! If I had just known her then, it wouldn't be this way. 

        There's no point of thinking about it now, nothing will change, it will never change. What's done is done. All I could do know is protect her and not let it happen all over again. I would never let her experience the torments of hell anymore. I will protect her. I just wish I could burn the memories of what happened on her mind. Memories, moving pictures in which meaning were constantly in flux. They  were stories people told themselves. I hope she'll stop recalling what happened to her and move on.

      I turned my gaze back to her, and noticed the trail of dried tears on her cheeks. It was as I expected, memories of what had happened in the past would come rushing back when something triggers her emotions. I felt bad instantly. She doesn't deserve this, she never did. None of this should have happened to her. AJ, he sacrificed his life for her, but, even if it was outspoken, everyone knows it was useless, they would take her anyways.  But I guess he really did love her, this was what love meant after all: sacrifice and selflessness. It did not mean hearts and flowers anf happy ending, ut the knowledge that another's well- being is more important than one's own. But sometimes, love is not enough. Well, it was not enough to save Julia's soul.

     But then I remembered what Carter had told me earlier. When I was about to follow Julia, my phone rang and I saw Carter's name on the screen. When I answered the phone, he's voice immediately turned call as he warned me about being personal with Julia. "She's your mission and not just a random girl you could fall in love with! You're young and free to love anyone, but Julia, she'll get in the way of the accomplishment of your mission. I expect more from you! Do not be emotionally attached to her! Remember, duty first, Daniel. DUTY FIRST." At first I was shocked of how he found out about the kiss that quick then I remembered that as SWAT agents, the unit have their special spies who watch our every move. 

    I admit that I feel connected to her, though I know it's wrong, every sense of it, but I guess you could never tell your heart who to or not to love. LOVE, I'm not sure if it's love yet. But whatever it is. I won't let it come between us or my job. I will protect Julia, even if when she wakes up , it will never be the same again. It'll be weird and crazy but I'll stay. I haven't done anything yet, as I said before, I"LL BRING JULIA BACK TO LIFE. 

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So, hmm.. I have no words for this.... boring? Guess so. but I have nothing! My head hurts actually, headache right now. But I just had to post this. I promise to make it longer next time and more interesting. 

Lost for words, because they hardly talked!! so yeah xD

Thank you so much for waiting and for voting and commenting. Please keep the comments and vote coming. pretty please? THANK YOU :*

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                                                                                                ----Mhaii Pasumbal