A Hidden Note | Moonbin (Astro)

(01)

Secrets are meant to be kept
They're meant to be secrets right?
That's the whole point of them
To keep it hidden from that person knowing.

My name is Lilla
I've got a secret...
And it's time to reveal it
But I can't do it.
Not face to face
So I'll write it down instead.

It's tomorrow,
yet I haven't said a single word to him about it

I want to keep this secret
But I don't want to lie either
but what else can I do

He doesn't know
And I don't want him to find out
But it doesn't matter

I grabbed the black pen from the wooden table I was sitting next to
My eyes starting to water
and my hand shaking as I reached for it

I took hold of the pen and held it above the paper before taking a long deep breath and starting to write a small note

I don't know what he'll think
I'm sure he'll hate me after this
But I've left it to last minute
I can't hide it any longer
He has to hear it from me, it's only fair

I folded the small piece of paper into an envelope and sealed it, before spraying it slightly with my regular mango scented perfume

I slowly got up, my hand tightly holding the envelope as I pushed the chair back and made my way out of the room and slowly down the stairs
The sound of my slippers against the floor dragging along with me
Dreading the thought of what will happen

———————-

"I'm sorry"
"I hope you don't hate me."
My tears streamed down my face as I whispered to myself
Standing in front of his plain white door, a detail I didn't seem to notice before
the envelope tightly held in my shaking hands as it slowly became covered in black water marks from the mascara I was wearing

I took another deep breath and pushed the letter through the door before turning away and heading back towards my house
I felt myself turn to glance back at building, just for one last time,
in which I had spent most of my childhood in

A smile escaped my face thinking about the memories that I had gone through with him, although the tears worsened

I couldn't handle it
The thought of it
I just can't.

"Goodbye"
I whispered, knowing it's the only thing I could say right now, even if he can't hear it 

And I turned back, as if I was walking away from what was to come.

---------

I shut the door behind me as I stepped onto the soft familiar doormat
The soft, gentle scent of my favourite brownies coming from the kitchen as if it was the only thing that could make me smile

I sighed looking down before checking the time on my watch
The arrow ticking as seconds passed
And soon, the more seconds passed, the more terrified I became
My hands had started to sweat as my breathing got more constant

"20 minutes"
I said, looking at the white watch that tightly sat around my wrist

Although I was distracted by the sudden sniffling sound next to me

I didn't even notice they were there
I guess it was just another one of my moments
It was my sister and my mom

both just staring at me, tears filling their eyes their hands covering their mouths as if they were trying to hold their tears back