A Hidden Note | Moonbin (Astro)

(02)

I dropped the note from my hand without realising,
just re reading that sentence in my mind, my mind going back to the memories I had with her

My cheeks had started to redden,
I felt them burning up from those few words...
that's all she had to do, just write a few words to make me the happiest I've been in a while

My heart had started to thump even harder than before,
my breathing fastened.

I leaned against the door behind me, before placing my hand on my chest as a large smile spread across my face

I looked up and whispered to myself

"You're not the only one that broke the promise lilla"
"I like you too"

------------
I spent a moment just spacing out, looking up at the ceiling, not knowing what to do or what to say to her

I snapped out of it, and quickly grabbed my phone out of my pocket before accidentally dropping it on the floor

"Aishh"
I said to myself, bending down towards the phone
Although I found myself distracted by the note that I dropped on the floor before

It was turned upside down, but that wasn't the surprising part

I reached for the note and turned it continuously,
checking both sides with a confused expression

There was writing on both sides...
She didn't just end it on that..there was more to the story.

I sat on the floor,
leaning against the door with the realisation before opening the letter once again and flipping it onto the other side and starting to read,
that same smile spread on my face, in hope up reading more about how she feels.

Little did I know that what I was about to read would change everything about what I thought I had known.

'I hope you don't read this..'
'but at the same time, I hope you do'

My expression instantly changed.
The smile that I had, slowly disappeared thinking by what she had meant

'I want to tell you a story.'

I moved the paper closer to me, starting to intensely read it, concentrated on nothing but the note in front of me

'December 7th, 2009...'

"The month after we both made that promise." I whispered to myself, staring at the directed date

'I was sick that day...but binnie...
'it was different from normal.'

My mouth started to slightly open without me realising,
my grip becoming tighter on the paper as I continued to read

'i decided to go to the doctors'
'but..'
'you won't believe it binnie'

My eyes started tearing as I had read the words
they were smudged all over the paper, nothing but a black water mark covering the words...
It was obvious that it was from her tears.

I was in denial to my thoughts,
in denial from what I was thinking...
hoping that it wasn't it.
Hoping that it was just my delusional thoughts

I was terrified to read the next line...
I was no longer smiling, and my heart wasn't beating in the way that it was before.
I'm scared...
But I always knew something was happening...I just didn't know what it was.

'binnie...I have cancer.'
'today is my final surgery'

Time froze.
I couldn't move or think.
Tears were streaming down my face, falling down onto the paper,
leaving large water marks that dropped onto the black marks from before

My thoughts became a mess,
trying to figure out a way to fix all of this...but I can't.
Just Trying to figure out what to do

I lifted up my shaking hands with the paper that I had been holding, and forced myself to read the next line.

'there's a chance I won't make it binnie...
'i wanted to tell you my secrets,
'just in case.'

I had no idea at the time.
I had no idea that I had ripped the paper I was reading.
I had no idea that she suffered through it alone.
I had no idea that I meant so little to her.

I spent a moment in that position, staring at the staircase in front of me, as if I had been expecting her to come down
As if I expected to see her smiling face looking back at me
As if I hadn't read the letter she had left.

Heavily breathing as the tears streamed down my face..
without any control over it.
constantly wiping them with the sleeve of the maroon sweater I had worn earlier in the day
Time froze...it had felt like hours had passed.

I was powerless.
But I couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

I sniffled, attempting to stop the flow of my tears
It didn't help.

I ignored the stream of tears, and quickly reached for my phone
Attempting to unlock it a couple of times with my shaking hands

Until it worked

I scrolled through the contacts and called the first person I saw
It turned out to be one of lilla's close friends.

"Hello-"

"Where's lilla!?"
I yelled through the phone
I didn't care whether I sounded harsh anymore
I just wanted to see her again
I need to know where she is.

"Moonbin, liste-"

"Where. Is. She.!"
I yelled, over and over again
My voice breaking from the tears that fell from my face

"Heinlin Hospital-"

The minute I heard the name, I hung up and ran out of the door
Not caring whether it was pouring rain outside,
whilst I was in nothing but a thin sweater
Not caring whether I left my house without my shoes
Not caring about dumb things that don't matter.
Not caring about anything else, but her.
•-------------------•