The A-Listers

4- Another End

I woke up with the kind of a headache when you really consider calling an ambulance to yourself. Not that I've been drinking, but staying up that late and constantly thinking about Josh and Aaron made me super stressed. Glanced at my phone and 25 unread messages from Josh only made the pain worse. All of them were him asking am I at home? and why won't I answer? Am I mad? Type of texts. I should be thankful to have a person who sincerely cares, but it only made me angry. I threw my phone away from sight, hate reporting everything I do to Josh, having one mom is more than enough. Also, I have this feeling that I can't get rid of, and it's about Aaron... Couldn't finish the thought, because right this moment Josh's car was turning to my street.

,,What are you doing here?'' I shouted through an opened window.

,,Well good morning to you too!'' He joked, but I wasn't in the mood.

Guess Josh took closing the window as an invite, because he stood at my door a couple minutes later. Ready for another lecture, I scrolled over and over all the insults in my head to backfire Josh, but to my surprise, the first thing he did, was greeting me with a warm hug.

,,Baby you look tired? Didn't you sleep well?'' He examined me after letting go, smiling sweetly, but those worried brown eyes told a different story.

,,How was yours?'' I dodged his question.

,,Well I kind of left..'' He stuttered while scratching his elbow, clearly not feeling comfortable.

,,Why? Wasn't it your job to watch the band?'' I was now throwing burning matches into the gas can, inciting him to make a mistake, so that I wouldn't feel so bad about my twisted doings.

,,Well they seemed to know what they're doing, so I thought my job was done... And you weren't there, so I missed you..''

,,Do you even know what being a manager means? What tasks are there to complete and so on?'' I was stunned by his absurdity, leaving 'miss you' part unnoticed. ,,I knew you shouldn't pick this job!''

,,Guess I'll do some research before next show.'' He laughed, not feeling bothered by my rudeness. He truly is the most amazing human being. I don't deserve him. Hell no! The world doesn't deserve him.

,,I don't think it's a good idea...'' Shook my head, not knowing what exactly was I about to say.

,,Why not?''

,,I didn't mean that... About researching...'' I stuttered, feeling kind of dizzy, and wanting to crawl back to bed. ,,We should br-''

,,Baby are you feeling ok?'' He cut in.

,,Yeah, fine! We should talk tomorrow.'' And that he understood. Ready to leave, he took a strand of my hair and softly placed it behind my ear. Sweetest act, but all I wanted to do, was to turn my head away from his touch. Feeling guilty and not knowing why my body reacted this way, I knew even more that I had to end this. I've never loved him, but I still care about the guy, and breaking his heart is the last thing I want to do, but to keep on lying will later cause even more pain...

,,I love you!'' He told, and I realized that I had just zoned out. Turned to look at him, and his eyes held in the kind of warmth that could melt snow in coldest winter.

Not bearing to feel this tension much longer, I turned my face down and blurted out ,,Love you too!'' Not to erase the warmth this guy held in. I couldn't take the blame of smothering something so pure and so rare.

I didn't talk to Josh the next day, not even day after that. I sent him a text telling I have a really bad flu and that I'll just rest at home. And I did.. Not leaving my apartment for three days, didn't eventually change much, I was still confused and clueless, so I decided to return to school. Thankfully Aaron was nowhere to be seen and days went by pretty well. Not seeing him, made it easier to be and feel comfortable with Josh, because those overwhelmed feelings for Aaron faded as quick as the appeared, and so did guilt and shame of having slutty thoughts about another man while being in a relationship.