How To Love Again. (Sequel to 5YIN)

-fourteen-

                                                                    *Harry*

   The cab ride back to my apartment was silent. The only noise being her staggered breaths that matched with the rising and falling of her chest. All I know is it hurt me seeing her this way. Like she was unsure of where to go. Like she had no one. But she had me. Whether she liked it or not, I wasn't going anywhere. Not this time. 

"Here we are." The driver half yelled. I gave him the money and hopped out into the rain with Ali. I held my jacket over our heads as we ran into the building. She still said nothing. 

When I opened the door, I remembered that until only a few hours ago, I shared this apartment with someone other than Ali. And that felt utterly and completely wrong.

"You said you don't want to run anymore. Now we're here, standing in place. And you don't want to talk to me." I finally broke the silence. I ran my hand over my head.

"I can't fix whatever this is if it's onesided. Help me out here, Al." 

She sat on the edge of the couch she sat on last night with Brandon. I shudder at the thought of his hands on her. 

"I love you, Harry." She finally said after at least two minutes.

"But," she continued.

"I can't jump right into this. You're still married, and we haven't spent actual time together in three years. So for right now, I just need a friend." 

A friend? Images of her and I in bed last night flashed into my head. But this was better than no Ali at all. And I was really trying to improve myself for her sake.

"I can do that." I swallowed my pride. For the time being. 

"Well what do you want to do for now?" I wiped my hands on my jeans and sat on the other end of the couch. 

"Can we just catch up?" She smiled with sad eyes.

"Sure." I shrugged and leaned back further into the couch and waited for her to speak.

"What has Harry Styles been up to?" She smiled curiously.

"Well, recently, I've been up to nothing. Still living off of the money I earned from being a boyband member.. But I have been working with Sony Records, helping with writing for other artists." 

"You're giving away your ideas?" She leaned back into the couch.

"Well, it's not like I need them."

"But you're a good writer, Harry. Other people don't deserve your words. They'll just pass them off as their own and they'll get all the recognition. Your name in microscopic letters on the back of someone's album isn't enough." She sat up suddenly aggitated.

"Alison, it's really not a big deal.. Don't worry about it. What have you been up to?" I laced my hands across my stomach. I tried to hide my smile. Her interest in my life made me feel like things weren't so different.

"Recently, not much. I haven't gotten a photography job since your wedding. And school, hasn't been so interesting. My classes are fine, but I haven't exactly made many friends. But then again I've never been one to make that kind of effort. I mean I thought my roomate was my friend but it turns out she was more fond of your- your ex wife than she was of me and she really only wanted to rip me to shreds. She's also Brandon's step sister." A casual response turned into a large ramble.

"Wait, Jess is your roomate?" I asked in disbelief. My insides churning. 

"Yup." She started drumming her fingers on her stomach.

"Well I sure as hell didn't see that coming." She laughed and covered her eyes.

"What a mess, huh?" 

                                                           +++

What felt like minutes of small talk, turned into hours of venting. I loved listening to her talk. I hung onto her every word like I was never going to hear her voice again. 

"Well.. How about dinner?" I stood up and clapped my hands together.

"I could make pasta, cereal, mac and cheese, pasta.." Fuck, come to think of it I was shit at cooking.

"Orrr, we could do pizza?" She added with a small laugh. My chest tightened at her smile. I wanted to hold her so fucking badly. But she needed a friend right now. And I only ever wanted to be what she needed.

"Let's do that." I laughed and took my phone out of my pocket dialing the number I had come to memorize. 

                                                                       *Ali*

   There was a knock at the door. Harry sprung up from the couch and opened the door. I heard him thank the delivery boy before handing him the money. He spun around with two pizzas in his hands and a bag of what I assumed was garlic bread under his chin. He kicked the door shut with his foot. 

"Take as much as you want. I know you can eat." He said carelessly as he put the pizza on the coffee table infront of us.

"Is that a fat joke, Harry?" I looked up at him with 'hurt' eyes.

"Fuck, no. Ali that's not what I meant. You're not even close to being fat. I'd know." I laughed and leaned back into the cushions.

"I'm just being an ass, Harry. Calm down." He glared at me as I reached for two slices of pizza.

"You can have the remote I don't even care." He plopped down on the couch next to me as I flipped through the channels.

My eyes lit up when I found Forest Gump.

"Fucking great movie." Harry said with a mouth full of pizza. I smiled as I looked next to me. Harry's bright eyes stared at the screen infront of us. 

I wanted to be with him again. Someday. Maybe not today, but sometime soon. I just needed to know I had someone that would listen, be a friend. Something I haven't had here. The fact that he was willing to be that for me made me realize how lucky I was.

"What?" He said as he caught me staring.

I shook my head saying nothing as I looked back to the T.V. I looked out of the corner of my eye to find him smiling in the slightest way. 

What would I do without him?