You're Never Alone

Two

Part two: history

"Jungkook?" Jisoo got Kookie's attention. The oldest Kim daughter asked if she could start calling him something else besides Kookie. It didn't seem appropriate due to their age difference and how Jungkook felt more like family. He didn't object to the change.

"Yes?" He was currently folding some laundry.

"My appa, Jimin, will be here soon to pick up Jennie. He'll have her weekdays. I'm sure papa told you, already. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't awkward or anything."

By the voice of concern Jisoo expressed, Jungkook looked at her. Was there a reason he should be worried? Had something happened in the weeks he's been here? Surely, Jungkook didn't do anything. He hasn't been here when Jimin came for Jennie except today would be the first.

Jungkook left the laundry aside, knowing this was a topic of discussion to be held now. It shouldn't be ignored. Jisoo needed to get this off her chest.

"I'm aware your appa is coming over for Jennie. But is there a reason you're concerned?" Jungkook didn't understand why Jisoo was concerned. Jimin and him never had any problems before. But then again they hardly held a conversation when Jungkook had come to visit the children.

Jungkook only held brief conversations with SeokJin and Jimin in those ten years he was gone. Mostly about the kids or when he'd visit them. Whenever he visited he would stay out of the couple's way and stayed in a hotel. The children practically living with him those days. Jungkook respected Jimin and therefore tried avoiding contact with SeokJin. It felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. Jimin would've done the same if the situation was reversed.

"I don't know. Okay, maybe it's weird for him to see you here. Last time you spoke properly was thanksgiving ten years ago. I don't want both of you to be weirded out. Appa told me about you and papa. You kinda had a thing and that's why you left." Jisoo tried to shrug it off as if it was nothing. It was clear it bothered Jisoo or else she wouldn't be saying anything.

"Your papa and I? He's not the reason I left. I thought, I was in love with someone else. And I left thinking it was the best. Not because of your appa or you kids. I made my choice and I was happy with it. I missed you." Jungkook didn't regret his decision to leave. After all, it wasn't for nothing. Everything happens for a reason.

"Then why didn't you marry the doctor? NamJoon, right?" Jisoo couldn't help but be curious. She was just the same old Jisoo. Always filled with questions that never ceased her curiosity.

"I didn't marry NamJoon because he and I didn't have the same vision for our future. He wanted to travel the world which was fine but I wanted to have kids. He said eventually which for him it meant he would think about it. That's not what I wanted. And I thought we had gotten over a bigger hurdle than that. Things didn't turn out the way we thought they would. It didn't work out.

"That's why I didn't marry him. We wanted to but in the end, I guess, we didn't want to settle for half a life. I didn't want to think maybe one day we'd have a kid. He didn't want to stop his traveling. And I knew one day he would change his mind. Maybe he already did but I couldn't afford to think like that. You think you know someone." He paused. "There were other factors." Jungkook sighed. He tried not to get choked up.

"Your first child?" Jungkook nodded. Jisoo felt horrible reminding him of it.

"Losing a child is never easy. But that's what changed everything. It hurt because he didn't want one until we lost ours. It happens." Kookie began folding up the clothes again. It still pained him when he thought of the miscarriage. It had been years ago but the vacancy in his heart felt fresh with the reminder.

"You're having a baby now. You're close, Jungkook. I know it doesn't make it better but you got to be happy." There was nothing Jisoo could say to make it better. They both knew it.

"It was a struggle. A miracle. Out of the seven years we were married, I think, we tried for four years. And we were about to give up and then it happened." Jungkook smiled. This was his silver lining, in all the hardships he had suffered.

He had somehow defied the odds. After his miscarriage he had been told it would be hard to get pregnant and if he did carry that it could possibly end in miscarriage. In other words, he wouldn't have any children. Yoongi had taken such good care of him. Going above and beyond to make sure they would have a child by the end of nine months.

Now, Yoongi wouldn't meet his son. Jungkook could remember how happy Yoongi was when the doctor said it was a boy. He hugged the doctor and kissed Jungkook about a million times that day.

It took only one night, one moment for his husband to get killed. Yoongi was too kind to deserve the faith he was handed in the end. A man is behind prison bars for life because he shot his husband along with two others. One man was all it took to turn his life upside down.

"Thinking about it?" Jungkook nodded. Jisoo side hugged him.

After some time Jungkook began to fold the clothes. Jisoo by his side helping him. They were silent but one questioned remained in Jisoo's head. Jungkook tried to think of the good things he had. Listing them would remind him why he still was here. Why he was still alive and lucky to be.

"Do you think if you stayed, that you would be with papa?" Jisoo dared to ask.

"What?" He wasn't sure if he heard right. It seemed like he was always distracted or confused.

"Do you think you would be with papa, if you stayed? Yes or no?" Jisoo needed to know. She always had the feeling that they should've been together. That both, her papa and Jungkook, would've suffered less.

"Maybe." Jungkook looked down. "It think we'd settle for each other. We had normalcy. Not based on love. If I'm telling you the truth, I don't think we would've lasted as long as he did with Jimin."

"He was great. There was times I could see where you'd be better. Appa tried his best. That's all you can ask for."

"They loved each other. Just because they aren't together doesn't mean that they didn't. They were strong enough to see it wasn't working out and doing what was best for all of you." Jungkook could see that Jisoo was affected by the separation. "One thing I learned, that you can be any age and be affected by the actions of others but it doesn't mean it had to do anything with us. Right now, you may not understand but one day you will."

"Is it some bullshit adult advice?" Jisoo half smiled. No energy for sarcasm.

"You can take it as bullshit advice. I said the same thing at your age. I didn't believe what I didn't want and what I believed in turned out to be superficial. Slowly we start opening our eyes."

"Then I suggest you open your eyes. Appa left papa because things didn't turn out. Papa realized too late that he let you go." Jisoo kissed Jungkook's forehead leaving him alone to finish folding the laundry once the doorbell rung.

Once again he would find himself in a roller coaster of emotions. One he wasn't ready for. Why couldn't things be simple for once?

"Jungkook? Thank, God! Have you seen Jennie's favorite teddy?" SeokJin asked.

"It's in the drying machine." Jungkook smiled as if he didn't know anything. Smiled like he didn't know he was the reason for the divorce.

"You're an angel." Jin sighed contently. He pressed his lips on Jungkook's forehead. Jungkook felt his hands which held his head for that quick second it took to kiss his forehead. "It's like you never left." Jin complimented as he walked over to the laundry room.

Jungkook didn't say anything. He only hummed in agreement. History was beginning to repeat itself, he thought. Where there's history, there's bound to be repetition. History always has that tendency to repeat itself. Just look at a history book.

March 26, 2018