The Dare • Jamilton

I Could Make You Feel

"Holy crap" Alexander says grabbing my arm excitedly "this campus is amazing! Look at the fucking buildings, and the fucking library, did you see how many fucking books they had!"

"Word of advice Alex" I say smiling him "don't use fucking so much on your application letter"

He just keeps grinning shoving me a little. He looks like a little puppy, running around reading every sign, and excitedly bouncing. I can't help but smile as well. This place was amazing in every way. It felt like intelligence was seeping out of every corner. Everyone walked with purpose, and every conversation I overheard was smart and funny.

"Okay, do you want to change before the party?" I ask.

"Yeah, I wanna look hot as fuck for my first college party" he says.

My cousin had invited us to a party tonight and we were excitedly nervous. I was a little nervous Hamilton would embarrass himself and me but he seems so happy I don't think I would care if he did. Its funny that only a couple hours ago he was crying in my arms. And this point I would do anything to make sure he stayed happy.

We walk back talking about all the things we saw. I hadn't told my parents that Alexander was coming with me, because it would led to a million questions. So we only had one bed. We hadn't discussed who was sleeping on the bed and who had the couch yet, but I didn't really care. But besides the bed stituation the hotel room was nice. It had a view of the campus, on which the sun was setting.

I take a shower while Alexander changes. I let the water wash over my body, each drop feeling  like it makes me a little more clean a little more ready to face the night. I close my eyes trying to let the water clear my mind. Having Alexander in my arms had been confusing. And I had to put it out of my mind. Obviously Alexander was going through something difficult and I had to focus on being there for him. I had promise as much to him and I wouldn't let him down.

All of the confusion was only amplified by the fact I was in a relationship. I felt awful for having to remind myself of it. It should be clear to me. But the distance and time made the whole thing feel numb to me. We talked for short spells late and night but I would usually fall asleep on camera. I found myself missing him but not as much I thought I would or in the way I thought I would. Like when I was with Alexander and we were holding hands, for the dare, I found he was far from my mind. But when Alexander was gone and the space between my fingers continued to be empty, I found myself missing the warmth, and my boyfriend to an extent because he filled that space.

After probably too long a time, I hope out of the shower. I realize I've left my clothes in the bedroom so I wrap the towel around my waist so I can go retrieve them. When I walk into the main room Alexander is standing by a mirror trying to force his hair up into a ponytail. I see his eyes flick up to me and scan my figure and I suddenly feel incredibly exposed.

"Take a picture it will last longer" I mock wandering over to my suitcase and grabbing an outfit.

"Maybe I will" Alexander mumbles under his breath which makes me blush slightly but I hurry back into the bathroom before he can notice.

Pretty soon we are ready to leave. Alexander appears to have abandoned having his hair in a ponytail which is fine, I actually like it better down. It means sometimes I can move a strand from his eyes. I force us to do some shots before we leave because I know showing up to a party sober sucks. So only a little tipsy the two of us walk out the door.

Luckily the party is nearby so it only takes us a couple minutes to get there. The frat house is blasting music, with some people already puking in bushes. I can sense Alexander getting more and more nervous as we walk through the doors. I feel like we stand out, since we are younger, like it was only a year till we would be University aged, but still I felt like a kid.