Past To Be Erased

Felix (3)

Everything was in standstill. Or it was just me... At that moment I couldn't really make a difference. Maybe I was the one frozen and the world was still spinning in full speed. It was just so weird. The whole thing was. Sun, sea, beach, her... It wasn't an illusion, but perhaps worse than that: a memory. I just don't know how it managed to break through the remains of pictures made by time.

I didn't want that to happen. Not now that I have a milion thoughts in my head, a milion things to do, and not enough time.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and wished for her to disappear.

But there she was. Sitting relaxed in the chair in front of me, so calm and breathtaking. She looked like our conversation from before didn't disturbed her at all. On the other hand, a war of memories, wishes, moral and reality took place in my head. I literally calculated inside in how many different situations this will turn out to be bad. At one point I was solving higher math in my brain and I thought to myself 'man if Mr. Blake knew what I'am doing right now, he would be so disappointed in his knowledge'. Assumptions, logarithms, so many unsolvable disparities... A hundred of problems.

I shook my head. I'm turning into the nerd!

I never thought that there could be something on earth that would take my attention like this. Many have tried, but she doesn't even want it. It kills me, in every sense. I'm wondering how my ego didn't fall below zero by now.

"You know, I'm aware that I'm pretty, but I think it's rude to stare in someone like that." I was pulled back in reality by a woman's voice, and with that recognizable sarcasm, I didn't even have to look at her to know it was Eva. Also, there was no need to ask how long I have been lost in my mind, because the two of us don't have math together, and I accidentally found out that she has it after me (Nixon doesn't shut up about Eva). It didin't feel like that, but it looks like I was lost for whole class.

Eva's mouth moved in such a way that every normal person would know that she was telling something. The problem is, I didn't hear anything. No fucking word came to my fucking ears! What the hell? It never happend to me before. I never lost my attention even for 2 minutes. I'm always aware of everything that's happening around me, and now? I looked at Eva like a stupid kid while she was waiting for me to answer the question, or maybe for me to ask a question. I have no idea! Because my brain doesn't work anymore!

"Huh?" That was the first thing I said. How wonderful?! Please make some noise for fool called Felix. Yeah, that's me! Thank you so much! I have to focus, NOW!

"Okay! Now I am 100% sure that something is wrong. Fee, what's going on?" This is the exact reason I was supposed to be concentrated before. I don't want for anyone to know about my weakness, especially the group of people I met less than a month ago. It's not that I don't believe them, I'm just a person who doesn't like to talk about my life.

"I don't know what are you talking about."

"Fee, don't do that. You know I care, we are friends."

"Look Eva" I said as I got up and started collecting things from the table to give the place to a girl who was standing over my head for 3 minutes. My focus is back, "I appreciate your care, but I'm sure Axel told you that I didn't have a minut of sleep last night. I'm tired as a dead person. No need to worry."

I didn't give a chance for glow in her eyes, caused by curiousity, to reach out to her brain. I turned around before she had the opportunity to understand everything I said, and left the classroom.

I have to be careful with what I'm doing, especially now, when she's here.

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