Past To Be Erased

Daphne (6)

I ran away. Again.

It seems to me that I've been doing it a lot lately. Actually, it's the only thing I've been doing at all.

I didn't have reasons to run away from Axel and his friends. Well not specific one. It was just the feeling that came along with it, the feeling of relaxation and enjoyment. And that, I couldn't allow myself. Because it was the same thing as letting your guard down. Suicide.

I got a call from my mom when I was at Axel's house, she was same as always: talking about her job, her life, and then, like it's the least important thing, she remembered why she actually called. And trust me when I say that it was NOT the least important thing.

It just made me remember why I can never let my guard down. Being calm and reckless is something I'm not given right to do.

Besides, making friends would mean attaching. And attaching plus me equivalent... nothing. Zero. Because it never survives.

I always ended up leaving without a word. And this time will not be different.

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People would think that after so many of the same scenarios in life, a person simply gets used to it. Even when it's about things that you never know when will happen, you expect them. But no... 

I've lived my whole life by same scenario, but I always get surprised. Because what people forget is the fucking hope. And we always have hope. Even if you say 'I'm not hoping' you do. Maybe it's in the furthest part of your soul, but it exists.

So when I heard knock on door, just moment after I closed them, I knew who it was. But as I came near them I was still hoping I'm wrong. And when I opened them, I knew I wasn't.

''Well, well, well. Long time no see, am I right?'', said man... more like boy that stood on my door. I knew him so well and hated him so much. With his almost silver skin, brown hair and hazel eyes, even though he was my age he still scared the crap out of me. Lips curved in his recognizable smirk, and eyes that were checking me out without him even trying to hide it.

''Adam... It's not like you to just not come and threat.'' I said with my poker face. To think how long I've been training to master that face... Immediately, I composed myself beside the door so it looked like I'm just talking to him but in same time I can always easily close them in his face. Actually I wanted to do that the moment I saw him, but I knew the deal. He tells what he has, always on the same, and yet different way. I slam the door and he's gone. And so on. Every month. Never the same day, never the same time. But always the same boy.

''I knew you missed me, but it's always nice to hear it'', he said and then he did something he had never try before. He made a step forward, obviously wanting to come inside the house, which made me freeze and wince in same time. But I knew better than letting him really step inside MY house. So I made step forward too, blocking his way.

''Woah, woah. Where to?'' I said as I put my hand on his chest to push him away. He moved backward but I knew my strength wasn't that big. He actually let me push him.

''What? No coffee, tea, not even beer?'' he said and I rolled my eyes.

''Can we just get this over with?''

''You know... I was really disappointed that you left your friend's house. I mean it would be way interesting to do this in front all of them. Don't you think?'', the anger passed through my body and I shivered. To think he was really ready to do that, made me sick.

''Too bad you are that obvious'', I said and when he raised his eyebrow I added, ''My mom knew you were here, and she is in London. You should really work on your hiding skills.''