This Isn't Wonderland

Chapter One

The silence in the room consisted with an eerie feeling that had a pair of gray eyes staring me down. I tried not to look back, it should be easy considering we were the only two people in the small room. I'd look at the floor, ceiling, the chair in the corner of the room where no one was sat in, the name tag on the door that read: Dr. Anns. But even through that all, my eyes still managed to somehow come into contact with my therapist's, causing a sheet of red to flow over my cheeks and neck.

"What?" I would say, changing my position in my chair to cross my legs, my ripped leggings exposing the pale skin underneath.

Dr. Anns would shrug with a slight movement of his head. I've only known him for about half an hour and all I knew was this; he was a tall man with a gray beard and dark blonde hair, almost brown. He looked friendly but no one was friendly on this Earth.  He was part German so he had a slight accent when he spoke, which he just did.

"You have not said anything this whole time. We still have another half an hour." He explained, looking down at his watch.

With another roll of my eyes, I sighed obnoiously. "Well, I don't want to be here."

"And why is that?" he asked.

My eyes focused on him, the green around my pupils seeming to decrease as my pupils did the opposite. "Because I don't need to be here. My parents think I do though which is perfectly normal of them, they think I'm a freak, just because I don't match up to their expectations like my sister does." I confessed. I wasn't telling him my secrets from saying that because pretty much everyone knew it.

"What exactly are those . . . expectations that your parents are expecting of you?" 

I shrugged "Just, everything that my sister, Nia, does or has. Perfect grades, no attitude, have perfect skin and hair and a perfect body, just be a freaking perfect person." I mumbled. 

Nia wasn't perfect though. No one was, so how could she be? 

Dr. Anns was quiet once again as he studied me and I studied him.

"Just because your parents expect those things does not mean you need to be them, be yourself." He said, which made me laugh a bit.

"I am myself. I act like myself. They don't like it though, not a lot of people do. Only my friends, though I have a lack there of." 

The ceiling fan right above me was spinning slowly yet it made the loudest racket. A screw must be out of place, but it doesn't matter. I was more focused on Dr. Anns' fingers tapping on the chair.

"Will you please stop." I say with a look of annoyance. It's not that I could hear his fingers moving and then touch the chair, but when I see something as small as that out of the corner of my eye, it drives me slightly insane.

"Tell me, Cary, how do you normally feel?" Dr. Anns said, now with both of his hands held tightly together in his lap. I inhaled and exhaled loudly as I let both of my legs fall down to where my shoes touched the ground. 

Normally with a question like this being asked, depressed people would say "I'm fine." or some lying shit like that. Others would say they're great or good.

Not me.

I leaned in with my elbows resting on my knees. I opened my mouth and left it open for a while before quietly saying two words; "I don't."

The face my therapist held stayed the same. He was obviously confused but chose not to show it. "What do you mean by th-"

"I don't feel, Mr. Anns." I sighed, crossing my arms and leaning back in my chair.