This Isn't Wonderland

Chapter Five

"Dr. Anns.." I mumbled, rubbing my neck. My therapist lifted an eyebrow over his glasses lens, "Yes?" He replied, looking at me over my clipboard. I sighed, sitting back in my seat as I crossed one leg over the other. "You have a wife, correct?" I asked, raising both of my eyebrows. He nodded his head.

"And you believe that you love her, correct?"

Once again, he gave a slight nod of his head.

"Interesting." I mumbled underneath my breath as I stared him in the eye.

"Why do you ask, Ms. Jones?" He asked.

After twenty minutes of non-stop silence, I had had a long oppurtunity to think about things. And love was one of them.

I shrugged, "Becuase." The two of us continued to stare at eachother, both of us calm. "Do you believe in love?"

"No."

"And why is that?

"What's there to believe?"

Dr. Anns didn't sigh or look at all annoyed. In the least, he looked rather pleased. It confused me..

"Why so?" He finally asked, obviously interested to hear my explination. I sat up and rested my elbows on my knees. "Because, it's just not real. I see it everywhere. My parents; they're completely miserable and yet they think they have this thing called love but it's just not there. It's almost as if people look to love as a sense of hope . . . like they feel it will help them, in a way." I said, my eyes had now drifted to the floor where I seemed to stare off into space.

"And hope is something that every human needs," I whispered, "It's something that everyone longs for but it really just builds people up to burn them down . . . just like love."

Silence.

"That's an interesting concept you have there, Cary. But incorrect. I feel that there is a part of you that believes love exists, but you wish to push it away." Dr. Anns said, making anger fill me as I tried not to gasp. "You can believe whatever you want but that's wrong. I don't believe in love. Romance is stupid." I mumbled, crossing my arms and resting my back against the chair.

Dr. Anns took off his glasses and put them down on the small table next to the chair he sat in. "Well, Ms. Jones, has anything new and interesting that you desire to tell me happen since I last saw you?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and continued to look down at my lap.

I met an asshole named Sydney who has been ruining my life since Jaclyn decided to be stupid and think we'd make best friends. I haven't eaten for the past three days and have been non-stop barfing, even during school, having to spend half of my day in the toilet.

"It's been a rather dull week, to say the least." I said, staring off into the distance. My cheek was becoming numb now from scratching it, my nails digging into the skin. I wanted to get up and leave but that wasn't an option in this place. Therapy didn't help; it never did. But for people who don't have problems, they won't understand so they think differently. People like my family. Except, they do have problems, more than me. At least I'm brave enough to admit to mine, while they act like they're completely normal. And my poor father has to deal with it all, it really is terrible.

And then there was silence.

I could tell Dr. Anns was staring at me, even though my eyes hadn't made contact with his for quite a while. I dare not look up though, instead, I tried to focus on other things.

Like the Metallica shirt I was wearing. How I had their song Fuel stuck in my head all day. How multiple people called me a slut, emo bitch, druggie, and shithead all during the day along with other clever and stupid names. How tears stung in my eyes all throughout the day but I never let them fall.