They're back the nightmares they appeared some time ago.. really bad ones not long after a fathers death saving his family, ever since they've been getting worse and worse until I'm too scared to even close my eyes. With the early morning shifts and the hour breaks I don't know when I'm going to have time to even think about fixing this increasing problem.
Today was one of the bad times I woke rolling over spying my clock 4:30am groaning I got out of bed and went downstairs, staring into my coffee I looked at my calendar today was the 10th anniversary of my fathers death with these other nightmares I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep. giving up entirely of trying to get some sleep I got showered and dressed ready for my shift.
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It was no secret what today was, Casey's father was murdered 10 years ago today by his mother. I don't know how he has been living whether he's been sleeping however he looked seriously bad yesterday all I know is I have to look out for him under any counts.
Half an hour into shift was when Casey arrived it wasn't like Casey to be late his team thought so too, he had dark marks around his eyes he clearly tried to hide his smile replaced by that of sorrow and guilt, noticing his undershirt buttons were undone an odd thing for lieutenant Casey. I rushed over trying to hide my concern "hey you ok?" I asked his face looked up at me his brow furrowed it was only then that I saw how pale he was had he even been eating "look I know I'm late ok I had things to do!" his harsh tone indicated that Casey had no intention of going into why he was late but Severide guessed it had something to do with visiting his dads grave. giving up on questioning his younger co worker he joins his team just as the bells go off.
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Lieutenant Casey stumbles towards the truck not long after the alarms begin to sound.. "You ok Lieutenant?" I asked carefully "fine Cruz lets go!" his harsh answer was very much unlike Casey unless he was giving orders. the ride to the fire was tense the other truck his giving me a sympathetic look as I drove on occasionally looking at our lieutenant. it was no secret what today is we all knew I guess we just assumed that was the reason for his grouchiness maybe his and Severides actions in this fire effected things.
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"Hermann with me!" Casey called to me as I filled him up the destroyed steps "Casey watch out!" Severide calls pushing Casey a little too hard out of the way knocking the smaller lieutenant onto the floor with a very load bang and a small curse "haven't you got a job to do!" Casey fires up standing up from the floor a look of pain on his face "I am doing my job you being a jackass isn't helping did you want that beam to fall on your head, or are you in a self deprived whirlwind of emotions blaming other people for how you feel, we're trying to reach out to you as friends colleagues and most importantly family and you keep pushing us away. Matt we're trying to help ok" Severide finishes with a heavy smile looking at the smaller man infront of him his uniform slightly ripped however the hint of tears in his eyes shows Severide he's gone too far "Casey I'm sorry" Severide tries putting his arm on his shoulder before it being violently being pushed off "you've made your point now I know where i stand" Casey turns and ever so slightly limps out of the building "hey I it's any consolation I agree with what you said" I offered support before following my lieutenant out of the building.
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Not long after the teams got back from their most recent call did I notice some tensions Casey had walked off to his office tears in his eyes an Severide had walked off to take a shower concern laced in his facial expressions. I walked into the kitchenette noticing the expressions from all of my house "someone explain what's going on!" I demanded concern in every word Hermann stepped forward gesturing for this conversation to head to my office.
An hour later and I finally understood I walked to Casey's office seeing him half asleep a photo I his father in hand "hey Casey go home you look like hell, look I know you're angry but everyone is worried about you, your team, squad, me and especially Severide" I started before I could stop myself half expecting him to retaliate he started at the photo tears beginning to form "do you ever have nightmares, about his job" he asks keeping me off guard like always "I have before" I answered truthfully "do they ever go away?" he asked brushing a stray tear away "only if you let them!" I answered turning and walking away hoping he'd make the right decision. Not long later did I see Casey walking towards Severide then I knew it was all going to change.
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"Severide I'm sorry ok i didn't mean to be a jackass I've been under the weather for a few days I've been having these nightmares about what we do that won't go away, my fathers anniversary I don't know what to do I can't sleep of I eat anything I bring it back up!! I need your help" he cried as I wrapped him tighter in my arms I don't think he meant to make it a public speech but everyone chipped in a massive group hug was formed we all flopped to the floor with Casey unsure whether he fainted, suffocated or just simply fell asleep we all went down with him like a family. when the circle ended we placed our sleeping lieutenant on the sofa placing a blanket over him. "you really think the nightmares will ever go away?" Hermann asks looking over at the peaceful Casey "I guess they just become bare able when you have family to tell it all too" I finished looking at our imperfect but pretty decent family.
