Broken // Zayn

Chapter Thirty Four

I skipped a little bit of time because I'm sure no one wants to keep reading about the same thing over and over again. It'd probably get boring so whatever, I just skipped. thanks for reading!

34:

'October 25th, 2013,

OH. MY. GOODNESS. I am so angry right now, it's been such a long time since I've had an actual conversation with anyone. I keep forgetting that I have a voice since I don't use it anymore! Taylor's always filming his movie, Ariana's in the studio and we have different time zones, Harry must've told Gemma about what happened because she hasn't been texting me, and I don't have many friends besides them so that's all I got.

Ever since the phone incident, no one has given me a chance to even speak. When something happens to Perrie, everyone automatically assumes that it was my fault completely. Perrie trips, everyone thinks I tripped her. There's a spider in Perrie's bunk, everyone thinks I put it there. I can't ever get a break from this whole thing and it's driving me insane.

Not to mention all the insults I've been getting. I've been called an idiot, dumb, rude, annoying, and plenty more. I wish they'd open their eyes just a little more because she's not as nice and innocent as she looks. I thought Perrie was gorgeous before but now that I know what she's actually like on the inside, I don't think she's all that pretty.

I've been spending way too much time in this diary and I need to put it down. It's just that when you're in a room with over ten people and know that none of them care if you're there or not makes me feel lonely so I feel like ranting.

I really have been writing in here too much and I'm running out of room, finally after like twelve years. I wrote really small and never filled up an entire full page, but I realized that when I'm angry, I write bigger and took up multiple pages at a time. It was about time I got a new one, though.

Currently, I'm sitting backstage while the boys were practicing for their concert. I have my earphones in and my back is against a wall as I charge my phone. Acting like I'm not here is a lot easier than actually being here.

Okay. I guess that's enough for today.'

I read what I wrote and rolled my eyes. I'm getting angrier and angrier as I reread what's in my journal. Honestly, the boys are being so immature. They were always telling me all this garbage about how they trusted me and they cared about me. What a bunch of liars and hypocrites. They would always be like "what horrible people your parents were for calling you such things and treating you like you were nothing", but then two seconds later they went on and ignored and neglected me. At least they haven't hit me yet or else I would have been gone.

I didn't even know what I was going to do when the tour was over in eight days. None of them liked me as of right now, and based on my many failed attempts to patch everything up, they have no interest in being my friend again. All we have to do is two more concerts in Australia and three in New Zealand. I would have to leave and go somewhere else. Harry would have bought me a house out of pity to avoid staying in the same house as me.

Suddenly, the door burst open and they all went to go change. I assumed the concert was about to start and that Five Seconds of Summer was performing. Once again, they ignored my presence entirely, as if I weren't even there. It wasn't that big of a deal considering I was used to this type of treatment. When I was with my parents, they would either act like I didn't exist, or they'd treat me like a slave and I much rather preferred the nonexistent thing.

I scratched my cheek a little before biting down on my bottom lip, fighting the urge to scratch. I ran out of the cream and I had no idea how to get it again, so I just started not touching my face at all. Even if I asked them what to do or how to get more cream, they'd pretend like they never heard me. That was what it had been like for the past two, almost three, weeks.