Tired and almost over (Ongoing)

Waking up

It's a Saturday morning, I haven't slept much, since I didn't come home until around 11. Then I couldn't sleep because of all the noise downstairs...

I sit up in bed, my head aches. Standing up I notice the clock- 6:00. 'Not too bad' I say out loud. Yawn and stretch, it feels good. I move to make my way to the bathroom and notice something else. 'Crap'                                                                                                      

I stumble to the bathroom, crashing into my chests of draws in the process, and stand in the mirror, avoiding eye contact. They're too big this time, to noticeable to leave the house without startled glances from passersby.

Blindly rummaging through the dark oak cupboard above the mirror I place my hand on the bag hidden at the back under all the stuff I don't use. Perching on the edge of the bathtub I open it up. Foundation, I squirm remembering how awkward I felt buying it before school started again in September. It's now nearing the end of October and already running out...I grab a brush and gently dab some onto my collar bone, the worst place this time. The bruise is a black and blue stain on my skin . 'Disgusting' I think. Touching it isn't really all that bad, I don't care for the pain. It's just the looking at it.

I move on to the one on my neck, a purplish yellow with dark spots spreaded around. Gone.

Missed my ribs this time, good, that wasn't so easy to ignore before. I'll just wear baggy clothes over the ones on my body, thank god its the weekend, no PE today. No people to see.

I collapse on my bed. Arms out stretched. It's around 6:20 now. So I chuck on some clothes. Black jeans and black hoodie. God knows how long I've had these.

I leave. It's still quite dark, the moon sulking in the distance as the sun dances in a blue light. Clouds scattered across the sky like drops of paint in bowl of water; accidentally dropped from protecting palms.

I sigh and start walking. I'm a couple streets away from my house and I can feel the water already, coursing through my blood, coating it in salt and brash aching. I need to feel the wind on my face and through my hair. I continue to walk, down empty streets, damp leaves under my feet. I can see it now , the wavering grass beckons me to it's dirt, to feel the earth and smell the see with it. The fence is so close now I can taste the stinging metal on my tongue.

I'm here. A fence leading up to a sandy path marks the way. I open the gate, cold metal meeting my rough hands. A spark, familiar and welcoming. I start up the path, a crunch of gravelly sand under my shoes. I stand and look around. The grass here is high, up to my hips in fact, a pale yellow with hints of blue from the light. I turn right from the gate and make my way up into the air, already rising into the wind. I can feel it, lifting my hair upward, my face bare and exposed. I don't really mind when I'm up here. As I walk higher, the path up to the cliff winds round to the left, facing both beach and sea. Nearly there. I can see the peak. It calls with forceful intent. I run the rest of the way, closer and closer, I'm nearly there. The wind rips water from my eyes into the air below me as I move.

Then I start to lose my breath and come grinding to a halt when I arrive at the top. My stand falters and I struggle to breathe, clutching my chest, the material of my jumper wound round my fingertips.  'Argh- it' I pant, 'F-fu-argh!'.

'God' I grunt with gritted teeth.

At this point I'm on my knees, one hand at my chest and another tugging at the grass, ripping it out of the cold earth. I look up into the wind, breathless.

And that's when I see him.