Past or Future

Nightmare

"Stop! No Darius! Please stop! Don't do this. Not again. Please." I scream into the night. Suddenly, as if someone were shaking me, I jump up. Sweat dots my forehead, my heart is racing, I can't breathe... What the hell was going on?! I get out of bed and open the window as wide as it will go. I need air. I take a deep breath as the cold New York air hits me. Finally, I calm down.

I walk to my bed, fixing the sheets that have been unraveled from yet another bad dream. Why does this keep happening to me? I can't keep living like this. I check the time on my phone. 3:00 am as usual. When will this nightmare end?

I walk to the bathroom to take a shower. I hate sweat. I watch as the steam from the shower fogs up the glass. Minute by minute the mirror gets more foggy. I stare at my blurred reflection in the mirror. My face is unrecognizable. All you see is my long auburn hair and slim body structure. For some reason this mirror is showing exactly what I feel. Misunderstood. Hidden. Trapped. Broken. I snap out of my trance and finally step into the shower. The water is scolding hot. I let the heat and burning sensation take over my body. Hopefully this will wash away the memories, the scars, the pain. I soap up my body, scrubbing every inch as if I want to rip my skin off. No matter what I do I still feel the remainders of my dream on me. His hands. His mouth. His tongue. His everything. I wash my hair quickly and then step out, accepting the fact that I will never be able to wash him away. The one man that was supposed to protect and love me hurt me worse then anyone could have ever hurt me. He haunts me. He will forever live in my mind, making me live in the past. I put on a clean set of pajamas as I start to write in my journal.

"November 2, 2012 3:45 am,

I had another dream today, not that it is out of the ordinary for me at this time. 3:00 am is the time I was awakened. Same as always. He left that mark on me too. I still can't get him out of my mind. It's like he will never go away, no matter what I do. The dreams are so vivid I feel as if I'm living them all over again. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I wish there was something that would make this stop, something that would make it bearable. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep living in the past.

Signed: Alazne Eena Lane"

I put my book in the top drawer of my nightstand and lay down. As I stare at the ceiling, I imagine my life and what it would be like if my past was different. Slowly I drift back to sleep.