The Perfect Sky Is Torn

Chapter 15 - I Never Had The Words To Say

I am so frustrated! I had to put this up on Wattpad three times! First was to type then send to my editor, second was to put the spaces between each paragraph when she sent it back, and third because Wattpad decided to be mean and log me out while it was publishing.

And I bet you are all pretty pissed at me because I haven't uploaded in two weeks. I had writer's block, then got a few pages in before a brilliant idea for the chapter hit me this morning.

Enjoy(:

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Chapter 15  

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A monster. That's what I've become. Only a monster would walk away from the one the love as they cry, as they break. Only a monster would cause the one they love to lose trust in them, cause them to sob and beg for the monster that won't return.  

Harry probably hates me now. I don't know he couldn't. I had been hurting him before, and instead of apologizing for that as I rightly should have, I walked away from him and hurt him even more.  

Of course not only Harry, but all the boys probably hate me. They could only stand by and watch as two of their best friends fought, then one left the other in tears. Who would want to be friends with someone that hurt another friend, then left them as I had? It's a cruel thing to do, and it's exactly what I did.  

I hid my feelings from Harry, not only to protect our friendship, but the band's career. Now from what I've done to Harry, I've likely lost Harry, Niall, Liam, and Zayn as friends, which affects the  band as a whole. Maybe I should just quit One Direction. The four of them are talented singers, they'd be able to fill my solos.  

A cold wind picked up, covering my open skin in goosebumps. I wonder if Harry was covered in goosebumps when I left him alone in the middle of the road. I sigh at the thought. There's another reason to hate me. Not only did I leave my best friend crying in the middle of the road as he called for me, hurting, but he may have been cold.  

I'm surprised no one's called me to demand an explanation or an apology. Or maybe they haven't called because they are so disgusted with me. Well, they're not alone. I'm disgusted with myself.  

What makes all this worse is that I had to do that to Harry. I had to disappoint him then walk away. I couldn't explain everything to him. If I had, then all the pain caused to everyone in the last week will have been for nothing, and then our careers would be over because of the gay one in the band that fell in love with his best friend.  

Now, all I can see is Harry's face, beautiful even when streaked with tears, frowning, and wonderful green eyes filled with hurt. He's alway beautiful to me. I'm blinded because all I can see is Harry. I hear the cars driving past, the occasional bird chirping, and the sound of wind in my ears, but all I see is Harry's face which breaks me apart inside.  

I wonder what would be different if I had just told Harry my feelings in the first place, told him the true reason why I kicked Ella out of our flat after that double date. Where would we be now? Would I have been kicked out of the band? Would they have accepted me with open arms? Would I have continued living with Harry, who dates Caroline and doesn't recirprocate my feelings?  

Would everything be better if I had just told Harry I'm in love with him?  

No. I've got to have faith that hiding my feelings was best, or all this pain caused would have been for nothing. No, I did what I had to.  

I sigh. Hours, I've been walking. How many, I don't know? All I know is that the sun is beginning to set. Taking a look around at my surroundings, I'm guesstimating it will take me another hour to get home. Why not take a taxi? Because I don't think I can sit still in an enclosed space with only a stranger and my guilt as company.