I do.

May I?

"So it is settled than! In a time of five weeks the wedding shall take place." My father announces and I feel dizzy. 

"I need to take a breath of fresh air." I whisper and I get up to leave to the garden. Suddenly I hear some noise and as I flesh a look back to livig room I see ayoung man standing up.  "Let me escort you." He says ina voice that has no place for arguing. "Just in case she faint." He explains his behavior to Mrs Wattson, who watches us with dislike. 

The young Mr Wattson offers me his hand and I accept it as I still feel the dizziness. I lead him to our garden and for a brief moment I am thankfull for his presence. "Thank you." I say, when I finally sit in an armchair. He waits until I am seated and then he himself sits down. Right opposite of me. "Are you feeling better now?" he asks and I nod. "Yes." I look down for a while and there is complete embarrassed silence between the two of us. "I am really sorry for my behavior back there. I just feel really scared of what is comming to be." I look at him while I nervously play with my hands in my lap.

"I always knew I wanted to get married... Someday. But I had totally differend idea of how it was supposed to happen..." I admit. I hope that I do not sound too sad. He might feel the same way. "Well, i know that feeling. But let me tell you something." Mr Wattson reaches for my hand and gently holds it in his own big palm. "If we are supposed to live together from now on, I want to get to know you. I want to do this the right way." He looks around and his eyes stop on my roses. "Have you planted those?" his question comes unexpected and I can only nod. "You have patience with them. Could you be patient with me, too?" I am shocked. "Sure. if you can be patient with me." I answer and I mean it. 

"Here you are!" we hear a voice and we both  jerk a bit. "This is so impropper. The two of you should not be alone for that long!" Mrs Wattson measures us with a cold look. "We were just about to go back, mother." her son talks her off so easily. But she does not seem to belive him. "We are going home, Hermann." She glances at me and then leaves. Hermann offers me his arm and we go back together.  

Maybe, just maybe,it does not have to be so bad. Getting to know him. Being married...

I should stop lying to myself. I do not want to be someone's wife, not yet. I want to be like Caroline's husband. I want to travel. And that seems impossible to combine with a hosewife's life. So what shall I do? If only I knew...