The Virgin Games [Jamilton][COMPLETE]

Day 10

Dear Diary,
Day 10,

So this is my last entry. Goodbye...

~A.Ham

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So I like Thomas' dad. He's nice. Me and Thomas have been looking for a house together. We found an apartment in the building I currently live in. So I still live close to my friends.

From what I know, after last night, Thomas' mom disappeared. All they have found of her's was her wedding ring. Thomas doesn't seem upset. In fact, he seems happier. I suppose I can't blame him. He's gay, and his mother is homophobic, so it makes sense. 

So, Thomas wanted to go on a date tonight so we can discuss the wedding. We ended up going to McDonald's. It was cheap, and all we would be doing was planning. 

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"So, are we both wearing suits, or do you want to wear a dress...?" Thomas said. "I can wear a dress, if you want~" I smirked. "Then a dress you will wear." he replied with a smile.

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Some how, that turned into sex.

As soon as we got home, Thomas pushed me against the wall. He smirked, and pushed his lips against mine. He pulled away. "What's this all about?" I asked. "Alex. I need you. Now," he responded. "Well... Don't just say that. I'm your's to play with~" I smirked. He picked me up, and carried me to our room.

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We lay there, panting.

This seem to happen a lot. I looked at the clock.

11:32pm.

I rolled over to Thomas. He looked like he was tired. I hugged him. He hugged back. It was nice having him in my life. He was so good to me and I don't deserve him. Soon we fell asleep. I thought I was going to dream about him, but I didn't. It didn't in Luke him at all. It was a memory... Of Lafayette, Hercules, and I...

It was cold. Wind whiped at our faces as we drunkenly stumbled back to our shared apartment. I was tired of walking, so I decided to call a cab. Turns out, cabs are about as scary as bring a knife to a gun fight. The man driving was a maniac. He was reckless, and I thought we were going to die. Turns out we almost did. The driver crashed. Well, technically he drove off the side of a bridge, but he did crash into the side of the bridge. As we splooshed into the water, I could feel all the alcohol disappear, and was replaced with pure fear. Not for me. I could care less if I died. But for my friends. What if they died, and I didn't? Who would I have left? No one. I would be alone again. I can't do that again. They don't deserve this. Why did I think it was a good idea to call a cab at midnight, on a Friday night. Everyone was getting drunk at this time, and the cab driver probably was too. We all ended up in the hospital. Lafayette and Hercules were both fine, but the driver died. He had already pretty much killed himself by drinking so much, then this. It was not good. I made it out with only a cut on the back of my neck from some glass that had shattered. All of us were bruised up pretty bad. I still feel like it's my fault for call in a cab in the first place. It was my idea to go out and get drunk. It was my idea to walk. Yet no one blamed me, except for me, and I didn't understand it. I should be the one to blame. I should be the one to die. I WAS THE ONE WHO ALMOST KILLED MY BEST FRIENDS. I. DESERVE. TO. DIE-

I woke up breathing heavily. I sat up, still breathing like I just resurfaced from that night. Thomas Sat up with me. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you ok?" he quickly asked. I couldn't think of anything to say or do, so I just hugged him. He hugged back. "Dream?" he said. "Memory..." I said. He knew not to mess with my past, but I wanted to tell him. So I did. I told him everything. He held me and listened. Why did I deserve him? Why did he want me? How did it come to him married me? I must have done something right...  Right?

Eventually we fell back to sleep. I don't think Thomas slept, though. I think he was watching me. Probably to make sure I wasn't going to wake up and scare the shit out of him again.

I was so happy to finally get the truth out. No one could even know how much guilt I had built up. But for some reason, pouring my deepest darkest secret out to Thomas lifted some of the guilt. Some of it, because now there were absolutely no secrets between Thomas and I. Some of it because no Thomas new why I dont go near bars or cabs anymore. But I think the most part was that fact that now, Thomas knew the dark parts of me, and I was less worried about him finding out himself.

He had enough time worrying about this. He was marrying this man no matter what. He just had to get some sleep first.

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Oof.

So a lot happened.

900 words

~T.Jeffs