phases of the moon // wolfstar au

f i v e

the silence is tense. the five teens are all squished onto one couch, and sirius is holding remus' hand so tightly it almost hurts. 

"so," walburga says slowly. "did you find them on this..." she curls her lip up in disgust. "road trip of yours?"

"that was ages ago, mother. why did you call us here?" sirius demands. he's tired, and he has a tension headache throbbing behind his eyes. all he wants to do is go home and cuddle with remus, to fall asleep while remus runs his fingers through his hair.

"i can't even ask about your friends?"

"mrs. black –" remus begins.

"no. you two don't speak," sirius interrupts. his hand squeezes remus'. "i won't let her say another fucking word to you if i can help it," he adds, lower, so only remus can hear him. normally, remus would fight him on something like this, but he can see how tight sirius' jaw is, how anxious he is, so he doesn't push it.

"you boys should move back home," walburga suggests. "things were so much better for you here. weren't they, james? surely you can vouch for me."

james clenches his jaw tight, and sirius shakes his head at him.

"sirius, let the boy speak," walburga snaps. sirius genuinely flinches at the sound, and remus covers one of sirius' hands with both of his.

"i think we're all good where we are," is how james replies. he chooses his words very carefully, wanting to both be honest and not upset walburga too much.

it doesn't work. she grabs the thing nearest to her – a mostly empty wine glass – and chucks it at james' head. he ducks, just in time, luckily, and it shatters against the wall. sirius stands up, so furious he's shaking. when he speaks, his voice is low and controlled, but the anger in it is so vivid it's almost tangible. "you don't fucking throw things at him. i can –" he pauses, tries to control his rage, and can't. "i can handle you hitting me, mother. the scalding coffee cups to the face, locking me in the room for days, whatever. i can handle things like that. but not james. never james."

"sirius –" james begins, reaching for his arm, but sirius shakes him off.

"don't you ever fucking call me again," sirius snaps. he inches closer to his mother until he's close to her face. this might be the first time he's ever really looked at her, and all he can feel is an overwhelming sense of hatred and fury. "do not call me. i'm not going to answer. i've done enough."

"have you?"

"fuck you," he snaps back. she lifts a hand to smack him across the face, and for a second, sirius is six again with a busted lip. back in the present, he catches her wrist before she manages to smack him. "no. not anymore. i'm not six anymore, mother. leave me the fuck alone. regulus and i are not your toys anymore."

"you're my sons!"

"you birthed us. doesn't make you a mother," sirius snarls. "let's go, guys."

remus stands up first, not wanting to stay there for even a second if he doesn't have to. 

"go," sirius says, sharper. james takes lily's hand in his and leads her out the door. remus hesitates, and sirius just shakes his head, not even needing words. remus goes. "you, too," sirius says to regulus.

reg pauses, surprised. "but i can –"

"go on." sirius' voice is much gentler now, and he sounds tired. "i'll meet you out there. check on remus for me, won't you?"

regulus hesitates, clearly not liking this, but he nods and goes. sirius watches until the door shuts behind him.

"all i ever wanted was love from you," sirius begins. he can't even look his mother in the face. "that was all i ever, ever wanted. i just wanted you to love me, and i think part of me thought i still needed that. you never loved me, and i thought maybe it's because you loved regulus more, but you don't have any good in you at all. you're just..." he pauses, searching for the word. "you're not good, through-and-through."