Time is cruel

Back then...

Back then, when time made its first steps and brought my serendipity

I got older, started becoming a young woman. I was often confused and also very unhappy. Because of that Ialso became more unsocial. Well, it also turned out that my friends weren't very good friends. I was diffrent, something was diffrent,and I didn't know what it was, and that fact frightened me the most.

When I was younger I at least tried to talk with my family about things that concerned me, but I became less and less talkactive. I actually have two older siblings, so it wasn't the first time for my parents to see this kind of development. My mother just brushed it off as a phase of my puberty.

Well, I also never showed how bad my condition really was. I didn't want my family to worry since I didn't even know myself what was happening with me.

At that time I danced the most than Iever have in my life. I went to the dance studio everyday after school and on weekends i practacially lived there. That way I was neglecting school, but my mom let me be after I explained her that Ireally needed this.

Surprisingly my grades didn't turn out that bad...yet. Because of that my mom allowed me to keep dancing, but soon it escalated.

There was an incident at school. A girl came out and I lived in a very religious town, so i guess you can imagine what happened to her. No one accepted her, she was being bullied, she ate alone on the toilet and cried everyday. After a month she couldn't bare it anymore so she moved away with her parents. Her parents were the only ones to support her.

I don't know why this incident didn't let me go, but I found out some time later.

Seeing this girl suffer so much made me suffer, too. There was just so much going on; pressure from schol, my parents expecting me to make life decisions, and more, and more, and more. Everyday I felt like my head would explode.

Dancing was the only thing that made it possible for me to endure it. I got addicted.

I went every single minute of my free time to the dance studio, but soon that wasn't enough. I skipped classes. So instead of studying I was dancing. Instead of spending time with my family I was dancing. Instead of eating I was dancing.Even instead of freaking sleeping I was dancing.

Soon my parents and my school noticed what was going on and I wasn't permitted to go to the dance studio. I still had the chance to dance in my room, but my parents sat me down and watched me while I was studying. I hated that time. I suffered a lot, I think you could even say that I got depressive. My mom knew that I wasn't feeling very well, but she said that my education is very important. She also told me that me keeping dnacing isn't verygood either.

She was probably right. My body told me more and more that it just couldn't maintain this much effort. I also became quite thin back then. For my mom health goes always first.  Iguess mental health didn't really count for her.

Well, one day my parents went to visit my grandparents over the weekend. Of course I took this opprotunity and sneaked out. At the dance studio I was welcomed sweetly. I really enjoyed being together with these guys again. I just needed this affection so much. However, what I needed the most was dance.

I asked them if I could have a room formyself.

Five minutes later I was warming up inthe smallest room of the studio. There was literally nothing inside.There was a mirror, a socket, a tiny window, and I could male five steps in every direcion.

I turned on some music and I still remember the ban I was in. I don't really remember the music title neither which steps I made. I knew that I cried while I was dancing. I felt a big relief after a very, very long time.

As soon as the music stopped I could hear clapping. It got less enthusiastic from every second I looked inthe person's direction. There was a girl, probably my age, standing in the door frame.

Her hair was haselnut brown, wavy and went down to her waist. The beach waves were shining in the light of the setting sun that was coming trough the small window to her right. She had slightly tanned skin, but it still looked so smooth. Shewasn't very tall. That i could tell, and the oversized hoodie wasn't very helpful to smoothen that fact up. My eyes went up to her face. I was shocked by myself, when the thought of her cherry lips looking so kissable went trough my mind. Finally I looked her in the eyes... and this moment was unforgettable.

They were very dark, almost black.However you could clearly see every single emotion in them. They weretwinkling in excitement and this was the most blessing view in mylife. They were so unimagineally beautiful.

Later on i found out that the reason for her joy was seeing me dance again after several months. Hearing her say that got my heart beating so damn fast. It was so loud, Ieven got afraid that she could possibly hear it. We talked...a lot.

She told me that she was actually a big fan of me and she alway wanted to talk to me, but never had enough courage to do so. It was so adorable. I proposed to her to become friends and once again her eyes started to shine. I had the feeling that I would never get enough of this sight.

Time went on once again. Our realationship deepened.

She helped me so much. She helped meto come trough this pain. She was my light in the dark, my angel, my savior, my serendipity.

But today I think I made a big mistake,I should have just let her go. I shouldn't have spend so much time with her. Maybe then I wouldn't have any feelings for her and she would be still happy right now.

But time is cruel, time changes everything, time is a bitch.