Hidden Tears

Chapter Five - Just A Thought

I decided to go to school and find John. I run into the bathroom but I didn't find him. I slowly walk into a stall, locking it and sit there quietly as the tears fall. I left the rope behind.

After a while I hear running foot steps run into the bathroom.

"Alex!" John.

"Alex!" I hear him open stalls until his hits mine noticing that it didn't open.

"Alex." He whispers leaning on the door. "Open up."

I do as he says. He looks at me and sighs in relief. He kneels on the floor his hands stop him from falling further.

"I'm ok." I say reassuring him. He shakes his head.

"How long has this been going on?" He asks seriously still looking at the floor.

"For a while." I respond infront of him still sitting on the toilet.

"I can't take it anymore. I have to do something." He stands up. I realized what he meant.

"No you can't! You promised!" I plead, standing up along with him. He can't do that, he'll get hurt.

"I promise you won't get hurt. Just me" He says. I look at him and see that he's shaking.

I can tell that's he's scared. He doesn't want to die but he would do it anyways. Did it hurt him that much?

"Don't do it. You promised. " I whisper. I couldn't let anyone get killed again.

"I can't have someone die again because of me." I mumble more to myself.

"What?" He looks at me and I see that he's crying.

"Long ago when this started someone saw and he stood up. His name was Luke. He got killed by them but they killed him right in front of me." I cry and look up at him. I grab his shoulders and shake him.

"I can't let you die! Not anyone again!" I let go of him and fall to the ground. I start crying remembering exactly how Luke died infront of me.

They beat him up as I was being hold back. At the end they stabbed him in his abdomen and left him there to bleed. They took me with them leaving Luke. I couldn't do anything. Luke was like a brother to me, my best and only friend.

"Alex." John's words brought me back to reality. "Ok. Ok. I won't say anything."

I hug him and he hugs me back. I sob ignoring the bell, ignoring the people coming in and out, and ignoring everything around me. I let it all out that day.

We sat in the bathroom quietly, skipping all classes again. I stopped crying and sitting next to John.

"My dad's a drunker." I say breaking the silence. "My mom wouldn't pay attention to me, my sister sold me. I got a lot of attention because of that." I fiddled with my fingers.

"The real reason though is when a girl was being bullied by Cross Gang. They were about to rape her but I helped. That's when the Cross Gang made me their prey. That's why, when you helped me I was happy yet scared that you'd get dragged in this.

"It's been about two to three months. The girl left. My aunt and uncle ignored me and I pushed all my friends away afraid that they would get hurt." I laugh a small laugh. "My life is pretty mess up."

John looks at me then back down not saying anything. I knew that he didn't have that kind of life and he probably pitted me.

I lay my head back against the wall. "You know what I want to do before I die?" He looks at me. "I want to become a doctor someone who can help people get better and live. I want to make lots of money and donate it to charity. Crazy dreams right?"

I look at him with a smile and he smiles back.

"You'll make it." He says. " Your dreams will come true."

I laugh. " I hope so."

"I don't have dreams like that, I just want to get out of this school and all this bullshit going on." He laughs with me.

"If only it was that simple." I say looking back at the ceiling.

Remembering back at what Chase told me on the way to school I whispered, "Why not end it now?" John looks at me understanding at what I mean.

He grabs my shoulders and turns me towards him. "Idiot. Don't do anything stupid. Remember you have a dream and you promised me in exchange for my promise. Got it?" He snaps the last part and I see sadness, worry, and anger in his eyes.

I smile a little and nod. "Yeah, it was just a thought."

"Thought or not, don't make that a choice of yours." I nod and he let's go.

"Just a thought." I murmur.

What would happen if I really did kill myself? No one will miss me anyways, no one. I look at John. Not even him. I smile. Crazy dreams.

The bell rings for the end of school and people start rushing out of classrooms and down the halls.

"They're going to start looking for me." I say looking down and imagining the Cross Gang waiting.

"Why not run away?" John asks.

I shake my head, "It'll get worse like this morning."

"I'm sorry, why do you still go the same way if you know they're there?" He tilts his head towards the bathroom door.

"I don't know. " I sigh, "I'm scared."

John chuckles, "Me too."

"So we just wait here or what?" He asks.

"I don't know."

About five minutes later we here the gang coming.

"Alex! Where the fuck are you?!" I hear Chase yell getting closer to the room.

"Chase." I laugh softly.

The foots steps getting closer and closer. I shut my eyes waiting for the empac. The footsteps reach the door and they walk in.

"Found you." I hear him grin.

I open my eyes and see John get pulled and thrown across the room. I'm next landing on top of John.

"I guess you were waiting." He laughs, "And the another one is here, AMAZING!"

I get grabbed and slammed on the floor. John gets kicked and stompped on. I can't do anything, I'm scared. I'm sorry John.

A fist makes contact with my face and a fist clutches my hair pushing me into a stall. I know what comes next.

My head gets shoved into the toilet the water surrounds me. They pull me back out then back in someone holding my arms behind me.

i have time to breath each time I come back out. They don't want me dead. At least not yet. They finally stop and shove me back out of the stall. I see John on the ground holding his stomach and blood coming out of his lip.

The Cross Gang walk out of the room laughing and giving high-fives to each other. I crawl towards John he sits up and smiles.

"Not going to be alone." He whispers to me.

I help him up and put his arm around my shoulders. I tell him to lean on me and we walk out together. He walks on his own to his house and I walk towards mine.

Why did I let John suffer like that? Why does he insists on helping me?