It's been a week since everything has happened and since I've seen Tamar. She's been in the hospital since that day, and I've been scared to see her in the position that she's in. I love her so much, and I can't hep but feel that all of this is my fault.
That night that she and I apologized on that stage; I should've left it alone right there and none of this would've happened. We just should've went our separate ways after that. But, then I would think about if I didn't come onto Tamar. I'd still be with Asia right now. I could've been beat up with bruises all over. Hell, I could've been on my death bed right now, dealing with that psycho.
I've decided to let go of my pride and go see about Tamar today. I know she's gonna be pissed because it's been so long, and I haven't contacted her at all, but it's worth it just to at least see how she was doing. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about seeing her because I didn't know what to expect.
After I showered and took care of my other hygiene, I went into my closet to pick out my outfit for the day. I finally got into the position when I finally loved myself and my body. I have no one to thank, but Tamar for that eye opener.
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Once I finished getting dressed, I went downstairs. I made sure I had everything I needed before setting my alarm and making my way out the door. I unlocked the doors to my silver Porsche and got in the driver's side and started the engine. I put on my seat belt and backed up out of driveway, leaving my house.
I couldn't help but get emotional as Monica's song, Until It's Gone blasted through my car on my way to the hospital. It was like it described what Tamar and I have went through since we've been together. I almost didn't know what I had until I almost lost Tamar. I almost didn't appreciate it. Tamar damn near lost her life for me. She was gonna give up everything for me, and it made me feel even more because I refused to come see her at all.
I finally made it to the hospital which seemed like it took forever when it only took twenty minutes. I sat in my car for a little while to get my thoughts together. I took a deep breath and turned off my car. I grabbed my purse from out of the front seat and got out. It's like my anxiety was going into overdrive when I walked inside the hospital doors. Before I could walk up to reception, I saw Ms. Evelyn walking down the hall. I rushed over to her.
"Hey Ms. Evelyn, how are you doing?" I asked nervously.
"Taking it one day at a time. How are you?" She asked in a hostile tone. I understood why she was acting this way with me. I went this long without contacting any of them since everything went down. I have no one to blame but myself. I take full responsibility.
"How is she?" I asked referring to Tamar.
"She's in room 103 if you want to see for yourself." She said gesturing to where the room was. I just nodded and made my way to Tamar's room. I peaked through the door's window and saw that she was laying down, watching TV. Seeing her arm and leg in those casts, nearly brought tears to my eyes and made me have second thoughts about coming here. I took a deep breath and pushed the thought of leaving out of my head.
I had to do this. I have to see her. I have to get this guilt off of my chest because I've really missed her. I put my sweaty hand on the doorknob and turned it. The door slowly opened, and my breath hitched as Tamar and I connected eyes.
Her eyes never left mine as I made my way closer to her. Neither one of us said a word as I sat in the chair a few feet away from her bed.
"Hey." I said breaking the silence between us which was killing me. She stayed quiet as she stared at me.
Tamar's POV
"Why are you here?" I asked her harshly, making her put her head down. I risked my life for her. The only thanks I got was not hearing from her for a week straight. Now, she shows up here out of nowhere and expects me to welcome her with opened arms. Hell naw!
"I'm so sorry, Tamar. I know I should've been here. Just let me ex-." She started before I cut her off.
"Explain what? Do you not see where the fuck I am? What the hell happened to me? I could be dead right now, and you do me like this!" I yelled pissed, making my heart rate go up.
"Look, I know you're upset, but please calm down." She said trying to get me to calm down, but I honestly wasn't trying to hear that shit.
"Don't tell me to calm down. How the hell would you feel if you sacrificed everything for someone you love, and they betray your ass?" I asked honestly. She didn't answer me just kept her head down.
She looked up at me with tears streaming from her eyes. It almost made me feel bad. Almost. I just couldn't take all of this anymore. K. truly showed me what she was all about when she left me to deal with all of this by myself.
"I think that we should just call it quits." I admitted while looking away from her. I couldn't look at her because it would've forced me to change my mind.
"Wait. Tamar, don't say that. Don't do this to us." She pleaded as she broke down.
"No, K. I can't do this anymore. Ever since we first got together, it's been nothing but drama. We've tried and tried and looked where we are." I said seriously.
"I understand." She said brokenly. I could hear her getting up from the seat she was sitting in, but I still refused to turn her way.
"I hope you know that I still love you, and I'm still gonna love you when I leave out this door." She said. I stayed quiet.
I heard the sound of her heels clicking as she walked to the door. A single tear fell from my eyes and I felt my heart shattering to the ground as the door softly clicked closed.
At that moment I realized that we were really over.
