I never stopped

Untitled Part 1

Technically I'm SINGLE, but my HEART is TAKEN by SOMEONE I CAN'T have.

Everyone has that moment when the one person that understands them walks away. And not for the reason of them not being able to handle it anymore, but because of you. You held on for so long you forgot what you were holding on to. Then you remember that they let go because it was your fault, you were afraid to tell them something, even if it was good and potentially something that would make everyone's live happy.

Well, that's exactly what happened to me 3 years ago. I was in a heartfelt relationship living every man's dream. It was two weeks before graduation and I was planning on proposing on graduation day while she did her valedictorian speech. I ruined my chance when I walked out of the girls' bathroom with Avery Genesis the new girl of the month. Of course, I was not necessarily a player before I met Carmen the girl that haunts my dreams and my thoughts every day even if we're not together.

Not only that day did I lose her but I also lost myself. I didn't have quite a good reason for my doing because I couldn't let her know what happened in there, how what I did would cause a rivet in our relationship. She left me and moved on living her life the best she could while I never looked at another girl since or touched one. I never once tried to sabotage her or try to win her back, I only did this because she wouldn't give me the time of day.

"Hey, thanks for that I really needed it." She said wiping the stray tear that wasn't caught yet. I gave her a small smile and squeezed her shoulder, my sign of comfort. She looked at me with a panic look on her face. I turned to see my girlfriend and love of my life staring at us with a frown and many emotions swimming in her eyes.

I let Avery go, handing her the bag she dropped and walked over to Carmen ready to give her a hug and a kiss letting her know everything was fine. She stepped back as soon as I reached for her, only then did I realize the tears in her eyes the ones I caused I think.

"How could you." She yelled anger was in her eyes as well as betray but anger was blazing something that was rare in the little bundle of light that shined every day. She pushed me back only then snapping me back to reality. I reach for her again only for her to push me away again.

"Carmen, what are you talking about, let me explain." I succeeded in grabbing her hand but she yanked it away using it to slap me.

"They said I would find you too together sooner or later I just thought it was false that there was nothing happening. I was such a fool, I hate you so much Calum, I can't even explain it" She turned around running away from me and down the hallway. I slide down the wall the first time crying not caring if someone saw.

I didn't run after her for two reasons; one, she need time to think and two, my heart was breaking so much that seeing her cry knowing I had something to do with even if I didn't know what I did, made it much worse. That day I lost my heart and I lost the love of my life the one I was committed to and was willing to commit to for the rest of my life.

The rest of the school year I went to all my classes with a hood on and sunglasses so no one knew I was crying every day of my life for the rest of the month. I didn't attend my own graduation, I did graduate and receive my diploma I was just hospitalized that day, and I couldn't watch my Carmen speak without breaking down and begging for her back. 

That was a year ago now, and I'm still not over it. Love is not something you can get rid of, it's not paper something that floats in the wind. And I never stopped loving her and I don't plan on it, I vowed that whatever it took we would be together again.