My brain

"I'll be better in the morning"

So it's late at night and I'm in a pretty bad place. "I'll feel better in the morning " I tell myself. Because I know it's true.
But what about tomorrow night? Eventually how i feel at night will follow me into the morning and I'm not ready to face this feeling (or lack thereof sometimes) again. I can't bear to face the feeling that has made me forget most of the last year, as if it was lost in some sort of dream world.
I know I've made it out of the hole before and I can do again. But the hole scares me. I haven't faced it for a few months. I turned my back and faced away, so even though I knew it's there and I knew that I could fall in at any moment, it's like I've begun to turn around now, and I can see it again and it's so deep and I'm not sure how I'm going to get out again when I inevitably fall, or who to call for help.
My head hurts and I don't have any motivation. I'm scared that if I look away from my phone, the world won't be real anymore. I'm scared that the feeling of hopelessness won't go away with sleep this time. I'm scared of the future and the knowledge that I'll one day have to leave my bedroom forever. The only stability I've known for years.
I'm scared of my brain.
I'm scared that I might not make it out of the hole when I fall in this time.

But I'll feel better in the morning.