Monster.

Chapter Nineteen

A few hours had past. It was ten in the morning and Niall had left at six. I was extremely bored, not having anything to do. I didn’t have money, I didn’t have any transportation, I could do nothing but wait. And so I did.

I stared at the ceiling while lying on my bed, thoughts running through my head like crazy, hardly giving me a chance to remember to breathe. The one thing that always came back over and over again was the look of the blue eyes going right through me, not giving a damn about what they were doing. They didn’t care when I did and I couldn’t seem to let that go.

A few more hours pass. It was two now, according to my bedside digital clock, and I still hadn’t moved from my position. I knew I should get up a do something, but my body felt heavy and I had literally no willpower to get up.

An hour later I did. I felt filthy, so I took a long shower. That lasted twenty minutes and then when I got out I put the clothes I was wearing before back on. And then I was right back to the spot on my bed. I stayed there for another hour.

This went on for some while, me doing something such as eating, and then going straight back to my spot on the bed. It was five by now; Niall still hadn’t come back. I didn’t know where he was and I honestly didn’t really care. But at the same time, I guess I did, because I couldn’t fathom leaving before he got back. I was getting slightly tired, as my body still was slightly weak from fainting and I had grown used to sleeping regularly. My mind was getting bored and with that I would start to doze off, only being awoken by some little noise or the lovely little voice in my head. It had continued to bother me about the nightmare, consistently telling me how much every single one of the people hate me and how I deserved the torture. It started to go faster and faster, making my head spin. I knew what was coming. The same thing had happened outside of the flat door. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my breathing and make my mind clear, not giving in to the temptation of screaming back at it.

It felt like someone was screaming in my ear using a megaphone and slamming my head against concrete at the same time. I make my body go still and then relax, forcing myself to think of other things, completely ignoring the loudest voice among them all. But it’s so hard and I’m so tempted to dig my nails into my scalp and scream back.

It eventually slows, allowing me to let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding. I look over at the clock again, noticing the slight darkness in room; it read 7:19 p.m. Niall had been gone for over twelve hours. I almost felt awkward being alone in his flat, even though I knew it was technically mine as well. And so I went back to my routine of laying in silence, wondering when Niall was going to come home.

Home.