Nanbaka x Reader *Requests Open*

I am SO Sorry (Long Chapter)

Okay guys, this is going to kinda be a ''sensitive'' chapter, before you guys freak out I AM NOT QUITTING THE BOOK! I'm just gonna need you guys to bear with me and my slow updates. Okay, so, there's something I want to talk about, and that is; depression. I "always" seem to be depressed, and I am going to use the term 'always' loosely, even when I'm happy. You see, I could be having the best time ever, but part of me will still be sucky. My depression is...different... from most cases that I've heard. It may just be my age (middle school sucks), It may just be my body changing, it may be the bullying of my past (I'll get to that later), but I really don't know why I am depressed. I have a loving family, our financial situation is good, rarely do we argue, I have a great life, and I'm really lucky to have it. I just...hate it. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve it. I don't know. Now, this is where things get really serious. If you don't feel comfortable talking about this, this is your warning. Okay, so, about mid-last year (my depression had begun around August of last year), I was feeling like shit and decided to start "experimenting", I don't know what to call it, but I tried...cutting. But thanks to many friends, mainly you guys, I got over it for a long time. Unfortunately, not forever. Recently my depression has been weird. Its been up and down, and when it gets bad, it's BAD, and my habit has come back. I don't know why, I really don't, I always regret it. But the pain is so...addicting? Soothing? Yeah, it hurts, bad, but it just makes me want to do it again. Recently I cut my upper thigh so I can hide it because it truly embarrasses me. I just felt like I needed to tell someone . So, I trust you guys, you are one of my reasons to live. I'm crying right now, great, good job me. Let's get back on track. So, I said earlier that I'd get to the bullying part, so here it is. I've always had a weight problem because of the medicines I take. Ever since I was four, there's been a pattern. I started off slightly overweight, then anorexic (except for the mental part), then majorly overweight. And, trust me, they let me know. And, I may not be the most tolerant, I may not be normal, I may not be the prettiest, and I'm definitely not the greatest person, and they sure as hell told me that, too. I've heard every insult in the book. Honestly, it was like living in Mean Girls but 10x worse. (Really, they even had "headband Friday"...) Yeah, I'm different, but I like it that way. Back to my weight. This time last year, I weighed 173.8 pounds. The healthy weight for me is 110-120 pounds. I am now 110.3 pounds, and yes, I'm so proud. I've moved schools a few years ago and the bullying got better. I LOVE my grade, save for a few people, but there's always gonna be "those" people. Now the teachers, WOOOO not good for depression and short tempers. Lately my grades have been dropping, again, triggering my depression. Anyway, I need to stop. I gotta work on gettiNG AN ACTUAL CHAPTER OUT. Thank you all for listening to my rambling. I love you all SO MUCH!!!!!! Stay strong.

~Author-chan <3