Always Alone | ✓

Chapter Twenty-Three

D E V I N

I JOLT FROM the bed, my heart beating so dangerously fast it burns my chest. I dig my nails into my arms, bringing myself back to the present. My index fingers press against my temples, willing the memories to leave, willing the voices to shush.

It's no use. It's too late. The memories have triggered them, their voices fast-tracking in the middle of the night.

"Why did she give you that journal, Devin?" his words are whispers in the wind. "She knows. She knows and she's going to do the same thing Dad did."

Stop! Leave me alone. Not now. Not when she's sleeping next to me.

"Why? Why should I leave you alone?"

Please, get out. Don't bring Dad into this. Don't bring Genny into this. I can't.

"She's going to kill herself just like Dad. Dad. Dad. Red. Red. Red."

No! Stop.

Please, someone, make it stop. Genny?

"She's going to leave you just like Dad," his evil voice whispers.

"She won't," the Lady murmurs, her voice low compared to his.

"You'll be alone. Again."

"You're stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. No one wants you."

Stop! Get out. Get out! You're not letting me think. Why are they back?

I'm tired of listening to them. I'm sick of them being the reason why I'm so messed up. I don't know who to listen to. I don't know how to find my own voice.

My gaze shifts to Genny. Her body is tangled in sheets of cotton. Her chest is rising and falling with every inhale and exhale. A curtain of golden hair covers her rosy cheeks. My fingers tingle to swipe it and reveal her green eyes, but I know they're closed.

Shit, I need to see those eyes. The same pale as mine. The same transparency.

"Genny," I whisper.

Her gaze pierces my dark soul, sending glossy rays through the small cracks in the wall of secrets I've hidden from her.

"She doesn't want to hear your sob story. She just wants to have fun."

"Yeah?" she questions, her voice sleepy.

I chase his conniving voice away. I won't let him hurt her. I won't let my secrets hurt her more than they already have. Taking a shallow breath, I let the words roll out of my mouth.

"Dad had his own demons and although Mom loved him with everything she had, she wasn't a fan of letting us spend time unsupervised. I can't remember more than one time where it was only just us two, without Mom or my sisters around. There was just someone always there.

"Until one day where it was just us two. I don't know how it happened, but we were finally alone, and happy. He came up with the idea of surprising Mom and my sisters with a meal to show them that he and I could be alone. We cooked and joked and laughed.

"Out of nowhere, he changed moods. I will never forget his facial expression. It went from joyful to somber, his eyes were vacant, dead. He went rushing to his room. I followed behind only to see him in bed covered in darkness. He was crying and asked why I didn't love him. I didn't understand what he meant; everything I'd ever done was love him.

"After I told him so, his sadness was gone like that. He was back to being himself, laughing, joking, smiling. He told me he left a present on my bed. I went running to my room with the idea of another toy to play with. I found a journal, just like the one you gave me.