Always Alone | ✓

Chapter Twenty-Four

D E V I N

I STRETCH MY muscles and let out a pleasing grunt as the bright rays of the sun peek through an opened curtain. An arm wraps around my stomach and long legs circle with mine.

Genny doesn't just take the sheets, she takes everything from me without even asking. She's a thief, a villain dressed with a cape, stealing memories until there's not one agonizing nightmare left. Above all, she's stolen my heart and I'll never ask for its return because it never belonged me.

Circling my hands around her waist, I bring her warmth close to me and inhale her intoxicating scent. The best part of it all is that whenever we sleep together, I wake up smelling just like her for the rest of the day.

She wiggles in my arm, brushing the top of her thigh around my morning wood as it thickens in my boxers. Slow down buddy, we won't be getting any for a long time.

Reluctantly, I get out of bed and walk to my bag. Unzipping the flap, I reach all the way down, passing clothes and shoes until my hand touches plastic. The letters SMTWTFS align next to each other in a colorful rainbow. I roll my eyes. There's nothing colorful about what I have.

With little-to-no saliva, I swallow the handful of pills that drop into my palm. After yesterday mild episode, I can't chance a mental breakdown. Not now.

Lately, they've been getting worse. I went to Dr. Reign's office last week for a higher dosage. His thoughts were taking control of my actions. It got to the point where I didn't know if I was thinking those atrocious things or if it was him. My thoughts were slowly shutting down; I couldn't hear the Lady anymore because he had taken control.

I'd hate to hurt Genny. To hear her weep after I promised to be better. Dr. Reign suggested a new trial. I was apprehensive at first, but I had to try something—I needed a silver lining. In my life, I only have two options: live like a zombie or like a derailed train driven by a lunatic. I don't like either choice. All I want is to be normal.

I'm a man. Men are supposed to be strong, inside and out, not crumble when someone says they don't like the color of my shirt. Every day, I have to walk on pins and needles, not knowing what the fuck will tick me off. Like I said, I don't know if these pills will work, there's no cure for what I have, but I'll do whatever it takes to deserve Genny and be normal.

I look back to her sleeping in bed. Her mouth slightly agape, her lips vibrating with the frequency of her low whispers. She looks peaceful and that's how I want us to stay.

Being around her gives me peace—it makes me feel good. Touching her feels even better. I don't ever want to let her go, but right now, I need a cold shower and then I need a steaming cup of café con leche.

* * *

I stand on the top steps of the stairs around the deck. My eyes don't strain from the vast ocean or the azure sky. What is it about those two that pacifies my mind? Is it the rolling of the waves or the assurance that every day will start this sunny? Is it that they look enticing at dawn and wicked at night?

Just like me.

Sometimes I'm as bright as the sun and as powerful as the sea with the confidence to rule the world, nothing will ever faze me because I'm invincible. I can walk on water. I can reach the highest of clouds. The farther I walk, the higher I fly, the harder I fall—the faster I'll have to run to get to dry land.

Darkness covers the sky every day. Sometimes the moon is surrounded by glittering stars but others, it's solitary. It's so afraid to show its face, it turns crescent. The ocean goes from soothing to swallowing, dragging me deep into its realm until I drown in saline tears.