Vanilla

Butter Pecan

     About fifteen minutes after I had calmed down and Mark had left, I heard a knock on my door. My feeling of loneliness was still sky high, even though I knew there was a person on the other side of that door.

     I trudged over to the door and looked in my peep hole. I gasped; it was Mark. He had something in his hands as he waited patiently outside. With trembling hands, I unlocked the door and peeked my head through. I was still naked since I didn't have the energy to change.

     "Mark? What are you-"

     Before I could finish, he stopped me. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I did wrong, but it was bad enough that you had a panic attack over and I just- I feel bad, okay? So I, uh, went down to this place called Bailey's and bought their butter pecan ice cream. I thought a little sweetness might dull the pain." He held up the carton, a pleading look in his eyes. "You don't have to talk about it. But you can't be alone right now, Serena. Please, just let me in."

     I just stared at him, thinking about him walking into my place of work to buy ice cream for me. He still didn't know that that was my day job.

     Hesitantly, I nodded and opened the door a little more so he could creep in.

     "Are you still..." He trailed off.

     I sniffled and muttered, "Nothing you haven't seen before."

     He frowned. "I can wait for you to get a robe on or something-"

     "It's fine. Just come in, please."

     The softness of my voice worried him, I could tell. He walked in nonetheless, though, and put the tub of ice cream on the counter while I shut the door behind him. He tried to not look at my naked body.

     "I'll be right back," I said. I went to my dressers and put some actual PJs on- the fluffy pants and oversized shirt kind. I returned to the kitchen with Mark already starting to scoop some ice cream into bowls.

     "I, uh, hope you like butter pecan. It's my favorite, anyway," he said, scooping the frozen treat in a very choppy way.

     I laughed. "Here, let me help," I said as I took the ice cream scoop and seamlessly spooned it into the bowls.

     He chuckled. "Wow, you can really scoop some 'cream," he told me with a smirk.

     I smiled at him, a wave of relief washing over me. I didn't know it, but this is exactly what I needed.

     When I had successfully scooped us a good helping of ice cream, we went over to the couch to start eating.

     "Listen, I want you to know that what happened-"

     He cut me off saying, "Hey, it's okay. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

     I looked at him. "No, no, it's okay, really. I'm not gonna have another freak out. I just feel like you should know."

     I paused. He nodded to me, going me the signal that he was ready. So I told him everything. The pregnancy, the moving, the miscarriage, the word- everything. When I was finished, he just looked at me. His eyes were full of pity and care as he wrapped me into a hug, rubbing my back softly.

     "Serena, I had no idea- I'm so sorry."

     I just shook my head. "How could you have known? I've never told anyone about that. It's not something that happens normally, so it's not something you think of. It was just a really bad time for me, and today I felt like I was back to square one. Like all my progress of getting over my depression vanished. There's no way you could've helped it. I should have told you that word ways off limits-"

     "No, it's not your fault. None of this is your fault." Mark held my hands in his and rubbed his thumb over mine. I nodded to him, looking into his eyes. And for the first time in a really long time, I felt something. It wasn't the desire to be fucked or submissive. It wasn't the need for hard, painful sex.

     It was love. Pure, unadulterated love.

     And it was all for him.