The Curious Incident of the Anti-Christ [Dip](DamienxPip){South Park}

Chapter 1- Damien's POV

I stared at the box my father was showing me.

"C'mon Damien, it's easy. Press the power button."

I huff in frustration. This is bullshit, he should have taught me how to use this... Thing, when I was younger.

I press every button I see, and nothing happens.

"That is it! I am done!"

I focus and the box of human happiness explodes into flame.

My father just gives me a soft smile, as if I am a child and what I did was expected.

"Okay, this is what we AREN'T supposed to do when you go up there, we can't give away what is your heritage and learning how to use a computer like everyone else your age does."

"The people I will be seeing don't even have a lifespan of 726." I mutter.

"You know time is lengthened down here. Technically, up there, you are as old as they are."

"Correction: as young, because they are puny. Must I socialize to their adequate? They put their whole life out where everyone can see. I thought I wasn't to do that."

"We'll have to work of your grammar too."

"My grammar has been polished to perfection with the sharpest blade. I have read every book from the Greece to the dark ages. I have read about my own coming, that will bring destruction. For I am the-"

"Damien! That's my point! You need to speak today's language! Here, say: lol."

"Why?"

"Do it."

"... L.O.L."

"Good, that means something is amusing."

"Excellent. I will find the fallen angel with my graceful today-speak, and if they don't join hell, I will crush them and the body they stole to cower from me."

"We still have to learn to use a computer, but you have to get to your first day of school."

"May I skip some class? I know it Is my duty to smite this fallen angel, hopefully, but I'd it also my bidding to go to this school that you speak of?"

"Don't EVER say duty up there either."

"Father? You are not listening to me."

"You're going to be late to get ready in your new house for school! Hurry up!"

Then my father proceeded to shove me into the void that usually is where people fell from grace to hell, but with his will, he can send me up to, ugh, civilization.

As he sends me up, he calls out. "Remember, no thou, shall, oh and no prince of darkness! Don't forget, no killing anyone, or torturing, unless a dangerous situation! Ooh, you didn't forget your umbrella, did you? Or your toothbrush? You have different teeth from the people up there, and I don't want to have to come all the way up just to give you it-"

"FATHER I AM GOING TO BE FINE I HAVE MY UMBRELLA AND TOOTHBRUSH CALM DOWN!"

Father, to my comment, said something obviously sarcastic, but I was now to far away to hear him.

Well, here we go...