The End of you and me

It has always been him

I sat next to the window and looked out of it since I finished my food already. Magnus wanted to go to the toilet and I waited for him to come back. After twenty long minutes he finally came back with messy hair and the the waiter came out of the toilet too. 'Wait what the hell??' I thought to myself. Magnus came back with a grin and sat down next to me. "You didn't." I said and Magnus chuckled. "Just a blowjob don't worry." He answered and I rolled my eyes. "He was good." Magnus said and winked to the waiter who blushed. "Let's go to the gym." I said annoyed but actually I was hurt. I knew Magnus was single he could do what he want but it hurt me to see that he really did what he want. Of all he did what he want with other guys and not with me. "Alexander?" Magnus asked and snapped with his fingers in front of my eyes. "What?" I asked and blinked with my eyes a few times to come back to reality. "You wanted to leave." He answered with a smile. "Oh yeah right, let's go." I said and stood up. "You are strange Alec." Magnus said with an irritated look and I just forced a smile. "That's why you like me." I said and walked to the car but he stopped me. "Are you sure you are okay? You zoned out a lot in the last few weeks and we don't make things anymore as often as we used to. Is there someone new in you life?" Magnus asked and I swallowed hard before I put on my fake smile. "No. There is no one new." I answered but he still looked worried. "Look Alexander, I'm your best friend and I love you. If anything is wrong please tell me." He said with a concerted look and his words were like a bang in my heart. He said he loved me but he would never mean it like I mean it which made it worse to hear it from his mouth. "Everything is fine." I asured him and pulled away from his grip. I walked to the car and got inside it. "Gym?" He asked when he got in and I nodded. "Wait... actually I want to go home." I said and he looked confused at me. "Why? You don't want to go with me?" He asked and I knew he was hurt a bit. "No of course I want to go with you. It's just I don't feel well maybe I need some fresh air. I think I will walk home." I said and got out of the car again. He went out too and he looked confused worried and hurt. I really wanted go with him but I couldn't look in his face and act like I just want to be his friend. How often have I cried because I love him but I realized he would never love me...not the way I love him. The funny thing is he doesn't even know that I was gay and I never wanted him to find out. He wouldn't have a problem with it but I think it would make things awkward between us. No one knew what I really felt for him not even my sister and she knew everything about me expect that. "Alexander, what is wrong?" He asked and I just walked and walked. I felt tears in my eyes and I didn't want him to see me crying. If he would see me he would ask me why and I knew I would have to lie because I can't tell him I love him. I didn't want to risk our friendship and Magnus is the most important person in my life...I can't lose him. "Alec." He yelled and was getting mad. I heard him runing to me and he grabbed my arm to turn me around. 'Damn it Alec.' I thought when the tears rolled down my cheeks and he looked suprised at me. "Hey, what is wrong?" He asked worried and I couldn't talk it was like I had a stone in my throat. "Alec." He said softly and I just wanted to run away but there was no escape. He looked at me with a soft smile and pulled me in for a hug. "Sh...I'm here." He whispered softly and rubbed my back. I knew he was here and I knew he really meant that loved me but that was my problem. I just sobbed in his shoulder and after a few minutes I pulled back from the hug. "Come. I bring you home and we can talk a bit." He said but I didn't want to talk...not with him...not with anyone. "Magnus, don't be mad but I just need time for myself." I said and whipped my tears away. He looked not really happy and his eyes were sad but he nodded. I turned around and took shaky breaths while tears ran down my cheek. I missed him I really did. I missed the time were we just talked for hours and made stupid jokes that we love each other. We knew each other since we were 5 and he was always here for me. It was always me and Magnus... together. If you searched for one of us you found the other one too. We were an amazing team and we were little trouble makers. We got closer after our dad's died together in a car crash 3 years ago and since there we were even more inseparable but this changed. It was a hard time for both of us but we got through it together. We both wanted to go on the same college and he wanted to studdy fashion and I wanted to study sports. I didn't told him yet but I will go on a different college than him. To go on the same college would mean to see each other all the time everyday and I can't do this...not anymore. When we were on the prom night one year ago we were drunken and he kissed me. He really kissed me and I got feelings for him in that moment but he didn't rememberd it in the next morning. I started to look at him differently and when I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach. When he talked to me I was getting nervous and when he touched me I felt shivers in my whole body. His smile his eyes everything looked different and more beautiful. I didn't want to ruin what he have and stayed quiet but since there I have these feelings. I only wanted this feelings to go away and I tried everything. I had onenightstands but they didn't help me to get over my feelings for him. Everytime I see him with another guy or girl I just wanted to cry and wished I was that someone. I cried many nights and I even avoided him a few days after our kiss. I tried to spend time with him as little as possible. I feel sorry for him because I knew he missed me and he didn't know why I'm so repellent. I missed him too but I thought it was better if I stay away for myself and for him. What would you say to a boy that fell in love with his best freind. What tips would you give him? I was at the end and I just hated that I felt like that. All the time we spend time together I went home and ended up crying in my bed. I didn't eat I didn't sleep all I could think about was that I loved him and he would never feel the same. I loved my best friend and it is okay to love your best friend but not the way I do. The way I loved him could ruin our friendship and if it have ruined it I would have destroyed me. I can't live without him and it's better to keep distance and still talk than tell him what I feel and lose him. I had to live with the fact that me and Magnus would never be like I wanted it. I walked home and cried the whole way because it hurt so much. Magnus didn't know it maybe but he hurt me. He hurt me every time he told me he loves me and every time he said I'm his best friend. My feelings were my secret my own beautiful secret and at the same time they were my own hell. They were my own personal hell and whether I would break under them or I would be strong enough to keep going. I feel empty and dark and I would probably talk about my best friend about that but it was him. It has always been him...

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I really like how this story turns out even it is really sad. I hope you like it and please tell me what you think❣❣❣😭💕💕