TDB&M
"Antisocial behavior is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists" -Nikola Tesla
Chapter 5
I ran across the street clutching my bag close to my chest as rain drops landed on my shoulders. I glanced down at my watch. 5.23pm. Darn it. I was late. I hate being late. I am completely anal about being on time so I can hardly stand it when i am even slightly late. I breathed a sigh of relief as I pushed through the doors of le Café. The sweet smell of grounded coffee assaulted my nose and a warm, cozy blanket of air soon covered me.
Le cafè had been mine and Jamie's favorite restaurant for years now. It is our meeting place. We always go to it to meet up, catch up on important information or to make plans. Plans of important dates and of the future.
Le café is like a mini sanctuary. It is like a cozy heaven-like place. The coffee and tea is delicious and will constantly make you crave for more. And do not even get me started on the deserts. They are moan worthy and will literally make ur legs feel like jelly because of the immense please that shoots through your body as you place one into your mouth.
My eyes scan across the room and I realize that there are not many people here today. Only one or two tables are occupied. I guess that people are too busy filling themselves with that putrid thing that they call 'fast food'. I swear, how is it even food. It is more like filling yourself with fat, oil, and preservatives. I walk up to our usual table and notice that Jamie's bag is there but not Jamie. Meh. He must have gone to the toilet. I sit down at the table and wait for the lovely little lady who runs the restaurant to ask for my order. After I order a cup of tea and a slice of lemon cake, Jamie comes to sit across from me.
"So why did you want to meet?" I ask.
"What's wrong with you today? you seem as if something is on your mind. "
"Pftttt. What are you talking about?" I glance around and try my best to avoid Jamie's gaze.
"Oh come on Carmine. You have got your head in the clouds today. You seem so distracted. What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just drop it please"I answer, my voice slightly harsh and cold.
"Okay, okay. Whatever you say" He replies raising his hands up in surrender.
Jamie is pretty much used to my bitching, bullshit and mood swings already.
I slowly sipped my tea and I savor the delicious taste of it and Jamie soon ordered a cappuccino. We chatted for a while about unimportant surface matters, like what the lessons for today were like and the gossip around school and soon we left and went our separate ways home.
~•~
By the time I reached home it was starting to get dark; Black clouds hung low over the sky and the air was now humid. A thunderstorm was coming. I flopped onto my bed as tiredness overcame my exhausted body. The events of the past few days had really shaken me. I do not even plan on keeping this 'bet' up. I do not want a relationship nor do I even want for someone to fall for me nor me to fall for someone. I felt like smacking myself. I was the one who challenged him. I was just so pissed off with all of these arrogant 'know-it-alls' that I just could not hold NY tongue. Damn it. I was in a real pickle now.
Okay I should probably stop thinking about things. Albeit being exhausted, over thinking usually would keep me up for most of my night. So I better halt this destructive train of thought before it gets out of hand. I closed my eyes and tried to force out any thoughts from my head
1 hour later...oh god. What's the time now? I glanced over at the little digital clock on the right side of my bed and red numbers flooded my vision: 12.00am. Holy shite. I have school tomorrow and I still cannot even sleep. I forced my eye lids closed and gave up trying to stop thoughts from gliding about in my head. Instead I decided to concentrate my thoughts on a specific area: rainbows and fluffy sheep. I began to imagine cute, little sheep grazing on luscious dark green grass. I then proceeded to start counting all of these fluffy sheep. 1...2...3...4...5.........
30 minutes later. 1394...1395...1396...what the hell. I have ran out of 'mind sheep': Imaginary sheep that lurk in your mind and are your fluffy inner being. Yes, I am fully aware that I am weird.
Darn it. Why isn't this working? Why can't I sleep?....
So I just lay there; I just lay awake in my pitch black room and time seems to pass by me. I just keep on staring at the ceiling, unable to do anything else.
Okay...I feel horrible now. I am completely drained and half-dead and yet sleep has yet to claim me.
Why does this have to happen now? I had suffered from insomnia for 2 years, but that was a few months ago. I was able to get better, to recover and to have good nights sleep. So why is the insomnia back? And why is it back now?
I slowly turn my head, glancing at the clock and I immediately cringe. 4.28am are the red digits that now illuminate the room. I have to get up and ready for school at 7. I promised myself that I would not do this, but what choice do I have? I flick on the switch to my mini bed lamp and stumble out of bed. I slowly open a drawer from my bedside cabinet and located deep inside it, hidden from any other human, in a secret compartment is my little stash. I open up the pill container and pop one into my mouth. Sleep comes easily then and my mind goes groggy as blackness now fills my vision and my thoughts.
~
'The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live'
'The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live'
'The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us-'
The words run repeatedly inside my head. Tragedy-life-not death-what we let-die. They form a tangled thought. A thought that I seem to unable to stop from spreading throughout my mind.
I jolt awake and sit up in my bed as i try to shake the horrible nightmare. My chest feels like there is something constricting it and sweat is covering my body and face. I am trembling and my hands are shaking badly. After a few minutes I calm down and lay back down on the bed.
I feel so numb.
I turn to my side and stare at the clock with a blank expression and dull eyes. It is 1.33pm and nothing matters to me anymore. I vaguely register in my head that I have already missed most of school. But I don't care about that at all as a different realization comes to me and a new sentence and trail of thought comes to fill my mind: I have relapsed...
