LONELY HEARTS (COMPLETE)

Chapter 14: The Walk

It was 1am Sunday morning and Matteo was restless, unable to forget about Gemma Hunter. He switched between opening his eyes and closing them, tossing and turning. He rolls over and stares at his alarm clock in frustration. He was spent, completely exhausted and yet sleep just didn't want to come. It hadn't for almost a month. No longer caring to try, Matteo had to do something to relieve his mind. He threw on some jeans, a white tee, and shrugged into his leather jacket.

"Maybe I just need to walk this one off", he said to himself, closing the door behind him.

He lights a cigarette and stuffs his hands in his pockets before continuing on. After a few minutes of aimlessly walking around, Matteo realizes he's by the curbside cafe. He darts his eyes around the patio, not sure what the purpose behind it was. Did he secretly hope he would find her here? He would've given anything at that moment to get a glimpse of her face even if only for a second. He missed her emerald eyes, her smile. He missed her laugh and her stubbornness. She was frustrating and amazing all at once and it was the craziest and confused he's ever felt. But he liked that feeling, it was like two lonely halves had been brought together.

Realizing she wasn't there, Matteo turned around to hear back home. He lifted his up from the sidewalk and there she was in the flesh. She looked tired and beaten down and he knew it was all his fault.

Gemma just stood there, her eyes fixating on Matteo's. She didn't move, she couldn't. She had too many emotions brewing inside her at that moment. She felt angry, hurt, happy. Seeing him felt more confusing than ever now. She was confused, not because of him, but because she realized she was more happy to see him than angry.

After what seemed like hours, Matteo finally broke the silence.

"Hi, Gemma", he said, quietly", How are you"? Matteo regretted the latter statement as soon as it left his mouth. What a stupid question", he thought. Of course she's not doing well, you're a fucking idiot". The silence between them made Matteo feel awkward and he was too embarrassed to even stand there anymore.

"I-I'm sorry, I should go", he stammered. He turns and starts walking towards home. Gemma just stares at his back as he walks away, battling with herself. She didn't know whether she wanted to kiss him or punch him. She was angry with herself at feeling this way. She hated herself because despite everything, it started to bother her less and less. This, to her, was terrifying.

"Wait", she begs. "Can you walk me home"?

Matteo turns to face her. "Okay", he says.

They walk together in silence for a while, both with their hands in their pockets. After reaching her building, they walk upstairs and stop in front of her door.

"Why I am here, Gemma?"

Gemma thought about his question. He's right, why is he here? Why did I ask him to come?

"To be honest, I don't really know", she replies.

Matteo's body seems to tighten at her response, it's as if he was expecting something else. He was frustrated with her. He knew he didn't have any right to be, but he couldn't help it. Why cant she just be honest with me", he thought. "Why can't she just tell me how she feels? If she hates, me she has to tell me, I need to hear it from her". He couldn't take it anymore, he was done with this game of uncertainty. He no longer wanted to wait in limbo.

"Tell me you hate me", he asks. She's facing him now, taken aback. She stands there, not able to move a muscle. Frustrated by the lack of response, he asks again.

"Why am I he-"

"I DON'T KNOW, MATTEO", she screams, tears now welling up in her eyes.

"Yes, you do!", he says, his voice escalating. "YOU HATE ME, JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD. TELL ME YOU'RE DISGUSTED BY ME, TELL ME THAT IM A FUCKING MONSTER AND IM THE WORST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. I NEED YOU TO SAY IT"!

"I WANT TO HATE YOU, I SHOULD HATE YOU", Gemma screams, now hysterical. "BUT I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING TO CONVINCE MYSELF OF THAT. BECAUSE DESPITE EVERYTHING, DESPITE KNOWING THE DARKEST PARTS OF YOU, IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS IT SHOULD AND THAT SCARES ME-". She abruptly stops mid speech, reverting back to what Matteo had said.

"A what do you mean you need me to say it?", she says.

Matteo grabs a fistful of his hair, rubbing his face with the other. He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes.

"I NEED YOU TO TELL ME YOU HATE ME... CANT YOU SEE, GEMMA!? IM GOING CRAZY HERE, YOU MADE ME THIS WAY. IF YOU JUST TELL ME, IT'LL FORCE ME TO LET YOU GO".

Gemma can't seem to catch her breath. Her head is spinning as everything comes to a head. Listening to his words, she starts to understand the deeper meaning behind them.

"He did this, he wanted this to happen", she realized,"he did this on purpose..."

"Why, Matteo? Why did you have to do that? Why did you have go and kill Sage in front of me!? Was there really no other way for you to send me away"?

"This was the only permanent way", he explained", I needed you to hate me, so there would be way of you coming back. I know you said you accepted me, but you say that now. What about one year or 5 years from now, will you still feel the same? Over time, you'll start to see more sides of me and my life, my job... I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving me after letting you in. I had to hurt you before you hurt me".

Tears were still steaming down Gemma's face, she couldn't believe he felt that way. She was starting to become angry now. He was controlling the situation like he did with everything else, she was infuriated. A hot rage started to fill her.

"How dare you", she starts,"Here you go, making decisions for both of us again. Did I not have any say in our relationship or whatever this was or is!? Fuck, Matteo, why did you have to do that!? Do you think so little of me that I can't make my own choice concerning you"?

Matteo stood there, ashamed. She was right. But there was nothing he could do now, the damage had been done. All he could do was stand there, silent. For the very first time, he was at someone's mercy. Matteo drops down to his knees and throws his arms around Gemma's waist. His head, now resting on her stomach, she begins to feel her shirt getting wet. She looks down and realizes that he's crying.

Seeing him like this was strange. The man she knew was tall, intimidating, and ruthless. He was dominant and dark. But right now, here in this moment, he was a shell of a man. Here he was, on his knees, for someone he had only just gotten to know. He was at his most vulnerable and Gemma realized she loved him.

She placed her hands around his neck and they just stayed like this for a minute. She pats him gently on shoulder, Matteo taking his cue to get up. Matteo rubs his face in his hands and slicks back his hair. His eyes were red, tired, and full of regret. He could barely look at her.

"Tell me you love me," she demands.

Surprised, Matteo just stood there, uncertain of how to respond. What was love to him? He's never felt it before and here this woman was, asking him to say it. He couldn't believe himself. Just moments ago, he had been at his lowest. How could a woman make him feel so weak? And with that, he knew how he felt.

"I love you", he whispers.