His Nightmare ;Her Death Wish

Chapter 38- Let's try again

Chromia's POV

I felt nervous, my nails digging into fabric while my breathing was rather untable. My stomach was begging to jump from my body and my skeleton was ready to run with it.

Why?

That's because it was a Sunday morning and I was standing by Morgan's door with a small item in hand. I was going to ask for us to try this whole relationship thing again and with the roles of women and men outlined, I felt like an idiot. It was the man's job to pursue yet here I was, ready to straighten the creases with a man who somehow betrayed me.

"I do love you Goddess, I had always loved you even when we would have battled against each other as Autobots and Decepticons. I loved you even though I knew I couldn't have you because you're married" he stated, placing a gun he removed from his right hip and placed it in my hand, pressing it against his forehead.

Was he loaded with guns?

"You don't love me, stop saying things you are incapable of...you would have continued lying to me, how is that love? You killed my husband to fulfill your selfish desire" I hissed and he stared up at me with saturated eyes, I broke.

I didn't know whether to believe that he did fall in love with me or that he was pretending...Was this what his Decepticon leader Megatron told him to do? I dropped the gun and took up my laptop and he forced himself to stand and ambled towards me.

I swallowed the bitter memory and took a deep breath.

"Okay, one knock...that's all. Mia you can do this." I stated as I gave the door a knock as I had pledged to myself. I waited and moments later Emerald opened the door with wide puffy eyes.

"Chromia?" She asked before yawning, surprise lacing her voice. She moved aside and as soon as I entered the house she closed the door.

"Trust me Emerald I'm shocked I'm here also" I told her and she smiled as she stretched her spine.

"No, your heart led you here. I'm so proud of you, he misses you deeply" she stated and I smiled nervously.

"Where is he?" I asked as I observed the main room, the house was oddly quiet.

"With his brother, they are in the gym practicing. Honestly you woke me so I might as well join them" she told me and I looked at her attire.

"In your rabbit patterned nightgown?" I asked with an arched brow and Emerald frowned.

"Ugh, why do I feel so lazy today...I'll be back, go ahead" she frowned as she made her way back to her bedroom.

I headed for the gym, my hands behind my back as I clutched the small gift. Soundwave was pounding the punching bag in the gym as though his life depended on it. As for Morgan, I almost lost my jaw just by staring at him with an open mouth. He was well toned, his body like that of a Greek god and it was tempting not to lick wine from his skin.

Maybe he was a god, the god that stood to be the lover of Persephone. He was everything dark and destructive yet I could not leave him alone, I wanted every bit of that darkness. If he truly were a god that would explain why he always called me goddess so often.

If only I was equally holy.

"Hello boys, mind if we join you?" Emerald chirped and I turned to look at her with an arched brow. The 'boy's' attention fell on us and I stared at Emerald in horror.

"We?" I asked and before I could make my escape two pairs of hands held onto me, lifting me into the gym.

"I drove all the way over and I'm a little tired as Emanuel ensured I hadn't slept last night! Have mercy guys!" I cried and two of the three people released me as my little gift fell. I had no idea how they did it but they were successful in luring me in the midst of sweat and heavy machinery.

I looked over my shoulder to see Emerald and Soundwave conversing. Shockwave was yet to acknowledge my presence and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You do know keeping fit is a requirement for a soldier, wouldn't want you losing air like a balloon if there should be a chase" he told me and I turned to face him.

"I do keep fit...Emanuel ensures that" I told him as I grabbed the gift from the floor and he stared down at me in disapproval.

"That's not keeping fit" he told me as he got back to lifting weights.

I smiled.

"I got you a present and we need to talk in private" I told him as I got serious. He got up immediately, drinking a bottle of water as he dried himself with a towel.

He then took my hand as he found somewhere more discreet.

*****

"Brian and I broke up" I began as he sat on his bed, unwrapping his gift. It was a silver bracelet that had the words I'm sorry engraved onto it. He gazed at me and the gift momentarily.

"I haven't had a woman gifted me before '' he said softly, his fingers moving over the engraved words. "What are you sorry about? I destroyed whatever we had by hiding the truth and having you believing I'm someone I'm not" he told me as he placed the gift on a small table.

"I wasn't fair either Shockwave...instead of listening to you I stabbed you and ran off like a child. I'm just as scared and fucked up as you are" I told him, with my failure of a marriage it would be unfair to act as though I wasn't slightly relieved my husband died.

It was a horrible thing to think but it was true, my sisters and best friend grew to learn that my marriage was more of a burden. I believe I love Ironhide far more than he ever loved me, he just felt obligated to marry his 'teenage sweetheart'.

"As fucked up as this whole thing were you never had to hide my child from me" he told me and I almost swallowed my tongue.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked in high confusion and Shockwave took a deep breath.

"You host another" he repeated and I was now the one to take a deep breath. He knew?

"Hol and her big mouth!" I hissed and his eyes widened.

"Wait, Hol knew?" He asked and I laughed nervously. Okay so maybe it was my big mouth this time.

I sat down with a sigh, my hands covering my face. How could he have known that I was pregnant if Hol hadn't told him? No one else knew, not even my best friend.

"Who told you?" I asked without looking at him, my face still in his hands.

"I kept puking often and I had cravings, I told my brother and he told me that I could have gotten someone pregnant. He spoke of having a strong emotional connection so I was feeling what my female felt. You being the only woman I was fucking everything added up. I just didn't say it to you" he told me and I began sobbing.

"I wanted to get rid of the baby but I couldn't, every time I looked at my little Emanuel it made me realize I'd be robbing a child's entry into the world" I confessed and he kissed my forehead.

"At the rate you behaved it was as though nothing mattered anymore, you couldn't give a shit what I wanted" he told me and for some odd reason he was nothing like the Shockwave in battle. He actually wore his emotion on his face and that emotion was a significant amount of hurt.

"Regardless of what you believed I did care. I wanted to tell you so much Shockwave, my friends and family immediately knew something was wrong. I've..." I trailed off on a broken voice and he stood.

"Then why didn't you say what you felt? You shutted me out Chromia and I was far scared to approach you knowing you were trying to move on with Brian" he stated and I too stood.

"I'm sorry, I want you back Shockwave. I want to give you your first child and your first real relationship..." I told him as he cupped my face staring down at me.

"I want to show you I'm not as fucked up as you think, let me love you completely this time, no secrets. May the wounds I have caused heal, forgive me for what I've done" he told me as his lips pressed against my trembling ones.

Awe...so much love.

*dries eyes with tissue*

I love them so much.

For all my continous supporters and those who veiwed the book regardless thank you so much!!

Love you all!!