Did he love me?

Not just a death

The rest of the day felt like a spiral. A dark spiral. I felt like I was falling down, further into a deeper hole, a hole of broken hearts. Why do things like this happen to me? I didn't want to tell the girls but it made me feel distant from them because of how i was feeling. 

Lucas took us home early so that i could calm down. When we walked in i saw a photo of Jess and Keith on my hall table, i gasped and reached towards it. I grasped hold of it and stroked her, i hugged it close to my chest before Lucas forced it away from me. 

"It's better to talk about it rather than look" He told me bringing me to my bed. He gave me my pyjamas whilst he helped the girls to bed, it was an early night for them but after the events of the past few days; it's really what they needed. I got undressed then redressed. He came back in and hugged me. I wanted the photo again, that's how i mourned Sofia. 

"I want that photo. I've been through this before i know what i need" I whimpered. Lucas kept hold of me, 

"If you really want that photo then tell me why. Why do you need it? It's not going to bring her back to life. So why don't you just talk to me and tell me everything you love about her and everything you hate" He said, i sighed and sat back down. He was trying to be therapeutic towards me and my emotions but i wasn't expectant of anything good. 

"I loved her, she was always willing to give me a helping hand at any time. But i hated how amazing she was" I said, there was a smile creeping up on my face as i remembered her and how she was so kind. It made me feel happier about her. Lucas made me feel like she was on holiday and all i needed of her was my memories. It was actually extremely surprising how he helped. 

We stayed up late, with me talking about how she was the light of my life but how she made me feel busy and neglected of my children of some sort. We both eventually fell asleep messily on my unmade bed, the past few days did not describe in the slightest how organised i was or how i handled stress and pressure. I snapped. For the first time. 

The next morning we went straight to the hospital. I asked Hannah to come and give the girls some food and entertain them in the waiting room. Lucas and I made our way to Keith's ward. For the first time it seemed calm, i saw two doctors beside his bed they seemed concerned and were talking to each other. I came up to them and interrupted them. 

"I'm sorry but this is my best friend. Does there seem to be a problem?" I asked. Both of the doctors confirmed with each other by facial expressions. 

"Normally we aren't supposed to discuss patients problems with non-immediate family or friends but you seem to be one of the few people who come to visit him, so i assume it wouldn't be bad to explain to you" One of the doctors explained. I felt a twang of fear pin back my tears. 

"And that problem is?" I queried. Lucas was still holding my hand even though it was extremely clammy. 

"We thing he would do better in a coma. His breathing needs to be steadied as he cannot do it by himself" The other doctor sighed. My insides collapsed, i leaned against Lucas gasping for air. I clenched my fists and recomposed myself. 

"If you think that would be best then i guess i give you my blessing in continuing" I smiled through gritted teeth. The doctors nodded and scurried away. 

After waiting for a while watching Keith's unmovable body lying there the doctors came back and wheeled him away. They took him through the same two doors Jess was taken through. I felt a massive hit in the stomach. What if Keith was next to die? 

A new doctor whom i have never seen before beckoned us over and brought me to a private room, i saw Keith lying there, he looked more comfortable and his chest was rising slowly up and down. I sighed in relief. 

"He is now in a coma, we will be operating on him until all of the shrapnel has been taken out and wounds have healed. If he cannot breathe on his own then we will have to take him off" He told me. I held back my tears and gripped Lucas' hand. He took me away before i could break. 

SORRY FOR THE LATE CHAPTER, IT TOOK ME A WHILE FOR SOME REASON! TYSM FOR 228 VIEWS!!!