Depression Has No Face

3-Bad Dream

^^My world is slowly drowning in it's end , as my walls starts shattering , colors and tastes fading as sounds and warmth thowing by time, i could sence coldness in my skin ,shivers down my spine, heart beats racing as am thinking of "it" , could my end be any different than this , yes am greedy ,and i still want to live more , see more, feel more , but am only losing my self to death , by putting my innocent soul to this much of pain , i've always wondered how could god make us this different , how could ppl have different hearts and different feelings when we're all having the same destiny , death is the end , and the end is always drown by the end of the story but i had made my end nearer than those soft touches of slow wind hitting on my bare skin , i could feel it , mere a light tickeling feeling sliding down my corp , compassion while staring at my pale skin , eyes watery , they felt heavy as if they were holding the entire world on their sacks , suddenly i felt harsh hands tugging on my shivery feets , they were calling for me to follow them , i saw how incredibly ugly they were , scars were showing their new cutted face , their hands were like a zebra , cuts on their arms trailing in a row of faded dark marks , i knew we were the same but something in me refused giving up to the reality , i wanted to lie more to my self and brag about how wonderful it will be when i'll get to visit korea and meet BTS , but then those were mere lies , and i had to come back before it's too late, ear piercing sounds claiming a new change in my story , as i was about to turn around and recall what's really happening , i saw her, actually them , all wearing the same smug look , slowly uttering as i was forcing my body to move from my position , but nothing happend , infact my hand slowly moving as i felt numb in it's muscles , i knew it wasn't me moving it , my fingers gently reaching a blade i put earlier next to my suicide letter , their faces were longing for my end , i fighted against my own hand to stop whatever i was doing , but i couldn't as the blade was only inches away , i prayed to god for the last time to forgive me for what ever i did nor am doing , i felt a sharp sting on my wrist and blood being sucked out of the cuts , i tried opening my eyes but they were heavier than earlier , as i started loosing counsciousness , my body falling apart , knees lightly kissing the ground , i couldn't bare with the pain in my head , voices yelling at me blaming me for what i've done , am trying to tell them that am sorry but that's my only escape , but words won't escape my own mouth , all i managed to let out was a light weep as i gave up to gravity and let my body fully blend with the hardness and coldness of the ground , i felt sore as the numbness faded away a bit , that's when i heard a scream from a familiar sound to wake up terrified from my dream , my chest rising as i was gathering my breath back to my lungs , i checked my wrists but they only had slight brown cuts from the last time , at least now i know how it feels to end your life , i know who's begging for it's end
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I woke up to the sound of birds singing along with delicate wind howling , what a beautiful nature , i wasn't really into forests and plants or mountains , but admiring the silence of the beauty around me ; nature was the only thing i needed so bad to get my self back , maybe i should pay visit to our aunt in the village i , might ask dad about it , i brushed my morning thoughts aside , and checked my phone to see what time was it , "fuck am late "i murmured not wanting anyone to hear , i quickly wore my outfite ,along with my scarf ,pleasantly it only took me 5 min , i slowly went to mom's bedroom waking her up cuz i knew she driffted to sleep and forgot waking me up , i heard urgerd schoolbus's whistles , it belonged to ours , not wanting to get anymore late i directly went to stairs , big steps as i held tight to my bag , there he was , standing by the edge of his porsh , glasses on , he looked like a model , ripped black jeans a black leather jacket , but he didn't pay me much attention since the first time we ever transfered here , maybe it's due to what i wore to go out , i didn't put any efforts on inpressing others😑 , he looked misterious but yet handsome and somehow cute , but i never had the chance to know his name , he maybe was 2years older , i never saw him going to school nor talking about it , he lived in front of us , so our windows were opposite each other , but i've never lived the scene in the movies where the heroine sees the hero while stretching , or watching him *coughs* naked 😆😆 , but anyways i didn't want him to see how bad i wanted to speak to him so i quickly drew my eyes to the vehicle infront of me , the day was boring as ever with a bit of inxiety and depression , i really got used to it , how i would hear voices when am left alone , see shadows behind me when am only hallucinating , passing by ppl not trying to touch their bodies afraid i might get in a fight and the secrets i held would affect in that , it's not that i was afraid , but my secrets were only holding me back to react in life , they were huge but yet small compared to those who belonged to these figures walking slowly effortlessly but yet wisely as they were working hard on hiding what secrets their hearts , mind held , it's funny how they could be this great at acting , when i was only hiding it with a much worse picture , a depressed sad little girl who always were black , i might be a girl but black was my favourite color 😍 , i had this fast steps walk , and i wouldn't stare at someone for more than 1 min while talking eccept for my besties but they had became same actors with same secret, it's like our world with our chared thoughts suddenly shatters to million fadoms and each one takes thy part but we can never glue them together again , and we slightly grow away as each one looses memories of the other and we're left with nothing more than scars traced in our hearts , they might be our secrets too , but they weren't the one that got us this good at acting , it was our eager in wanting to get more from life , the be the top of the toppest in returne we start losing ppl without our permission untell one day when we meet up again , we look deep in each others eyes but we only see strangers , secrets , anger , and we can't do a thing about it......