Funny, when I was alive I never feared dying. Death the finality it implies, that's what I've been afraid of for most of my life. It's a mystery, it's the part of living that all beings with sentient minds come to accept, or at the very least acknowledge. As they say no one gets out of this thing alive. I'm no exception, my body will one day be a rotted corpse in the ground. Inanimate a shell of who I was when I was a walking talking human being. Since I drowned I doubt they'll be much of a body left to recover, if I'm recovered at all. Maybe that's for the best.
It's dark, and cold, but strangely comforting to be dead. I don't feel any way about it I'm not sad, I'm not happy. I'm just not. Thinking about Stevie and Denny gives me a warm feeling in my chest something akin to peace of mind I shouldn't wonder. They're safe and sound, I gave my life to ensure they would be. I found my son, he'll never have to worry about being cared for or convalescing in a hospital without people at his side. Carol is likely to rot behind bars for the rest of her life, Phanos will likely rot at the bottom of this lake with me. Mina's somewhere in the snow, dead just like me.
I only regret Denny had to watch me sink underneath the ice, for the rest of his life that'll stick with him. His grandpa falling into a dark deep black pool of ice water never to be seen again. I wish I could take that memory away from him, he's already been through enough. Connor, Stevie, the baby, I'll never know my second child. He or she will never know me, Stevie will have to go through with her pregnancy alone.
Clear...
Yup everything is clear now, death in all it's talked about glory is a white mystic cloud of cold and regret. Not peace no serenity just missed opportunities, Jesus what a depressing afterlife. And here I was thinking sweet oblivion was all that awaited at the end of that dark tunnel. Nope, a good chance to reflect on all the shit in your life you've fucked up. The great cosmic joke of death, having to relive your shitty life on a loop.
Clear!
Yeah, I get it. It's all clear. Moving on-
"Clear! Lindsey!"
That sounded like Stevie. Shit, how long have I been dead? Maybe she's here too. That's a relief I mean it's been great not having to worry about bills and all but it's kind of boring floating in space by myself. I guess I should be sad that she's dead too, but seeing as it means I'll have company "Lindsey!" moistening my lips I try to yell back, all that comes out is a croak. Probably been decades since I last spoke, time has no meaning in death. Really nothing has any meaning, on the plus side no taxes no interviews, no band drama, no stupid PR stunts, just peace and "Clear!" fuck, pick another word God damn-
"Clear! I got a pulse...move back!"
"Lindsey! Lindsey!"
Huh I can feel something weird. Ow...ow! Ow! Fuck that hurts!
"Oh please be okay, please I love you Lindsey please don't leave me. Don't leave us, not now baby" I love you too Stevie, but I'm already gone angel. "Ma'am move back" I don't recognize that voice. So there are more people here than just me huh? Interesting. I wonder if Henley made it here yet...if Stevie's here than there's a good chance. The women in her family live forever. I wonder if Connor is here...he said five years tops. Why don't I hear his voice?
My son.
And Denny.
My son's son.
"Lindsey!"
"I've got activity...and pulse"
"What does that mean?
"It means his heart is beating, at the very least. He could still be brain dead though"
