brown eyes\\rant book

you and i

You, the love of my life. My actual sunshine.
.
I hate myself. They say that a person can't love someone until they love  themselves, that's not true. I-i love you so much I forget what hating myself feels like.  When I'm with you, I feel safe and absolutely adored. Whether you're laughing at some shitty meme I texted you, or we're on the phone, I'm laying down, and you're singing some K-Pop song and put of nowhere, you just say "I love you."
I feel safe, needed, and appreciated. You're honestly the light of my life, and I wish I wasn't such a pussy so I could tell you how much you mean to me.
I wish we didn't live overseas so you could just hold me and we'd talk about all the things we're going to do together, how I'm ok, you're ok, were going to be okay and make it out just fine. That all this pain is just temporary.
I love all the bullshit things you do for me, you stay up to ungodly hours of the night to speak to me when I come home from school, you ground me during an episode, you tell me how much I mean, and how full of worth I am when I can't hold myself up.
You continually tell me that you're not here out of pity, and you're not "putting up with me" but rather you want to be here, but part of me still feels like I do nothing but annoy you.
You c o n s t a n t l y make me smile and laugh, and every time I see your amazing face, I can't help but smile. Every time I hear your voice, I feel safe and accepted. You make me so, unbelievably happy, and I don't deserve any of it.
Regardless, I love you so, so much.