helpless || l.h.

Chapter 29

"I'm sorry," Erin said as we sat on The High Line in the west side of Manhattan. I nodded, "I know."

She continued to explain herself and apologize repeatedly. "I forgive you. You know I can't stay mad at you." I said to her and she embraced me tightly, which Erin never did, so I could tell she was very grateful.

"Abby..." She said as she pulled away from the hug. I shook my head, knowing exactly what she was going to talk about. "No, I'm not talking about Luke," I said to her. Part of me didn't want to speak of him because of how guilty I felt for having sex with Derek.

I sighed deeply and Erin looked nervous, "Oh no, what happened?" She asked curiously but cautiously. "Erin... I need to tell you something." I said and inhaled deeply as she waited for me to continue.

"I fucked Derek," I said to her and her eyes were almost popping out of her head. "The one you were with at the concert?" She asked and I nodded. "But, I thought you were still in love with Luke?" Yet again, I nodded.

"Yeah, I am. That's why I feel guilty. I shouldn't have done that." I said and I saw her thinking for a little. "Well, technically, you guys are even now. He fucked Cecilia, you fucked Derek. One plus one equals two." 

Chuckling lightly, I looked at the several paintings, signs, and messages on display, "Yeah, two big fuckin' mistakes." She reacted with a laugh and then a comfortable silence overcame the both of us. 

"What're you gonna do?" She asked me and I continued to stare off into the distance. "I don't know. It's not like we can work through it." 

"Why not?" Erin asked me, but we both knew the answer. "Because we're not going to get back together. You know what they say, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.'"

Erin raised her eyebrows before speaking, "But you guys are broken without each other. That's what Luke is trying to fix." I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding. "He broke me. He broke my trust for him." I said, annoyance laced in my tone of voice.

"And what the fuck was all that about? Flying to New York to sing me a fucking song? Wow! All is forgiven! Thank God, the excruciating pain can finally be put to an end!" I said very obviously sarcastically. 

She sighed, "He doing the best he can." And I agreed, "Yeah, I know. That's what makes it even harder."

I looked off into the wonderfully colorful sunset. A cotton candy sky laced with vibrant yellows, oranges, and purples.

"Well, Michael and I have plans to 'see Times Square at night'." She mocked him as she stood up. "We should probably get going. I have to meet him in the hotel lobby by eight." She said and I nodded as I stayed seated. 

I could tell she wanted me to go with her, but I wasn't up for it. "Abby, please just talk to him. At least find common ground, for our sake." She said as she referred to the boys and herself. I rolled my eyes as I stood up and began walking with Erin.

"Fine, for your sake," I said to her and she rolled her eyes. "For my sake." She repeated me, as she knew it was a lie. 

Regardless of the fact that I was furious with Luke, I still would take any chance I could get just to see him. 

+

About forty-five minutes later, we reach their hotel. Erin gave me the room number but not a key, so I had to knock on the door of their suite. Luke answered with his hair soaked, toothbrush in his mouth, and a towel around his waist.

"Abby," He said my name shockingly. "Just, give me a second to finish getting ready. Please, come in." He said nervously. I walked into the suite and the heavy door closed on its own. He rushed to the bathroom and I sat on the couch for a bit until I heard two voices. 

Ashton and Calum came from their rooms, their faces proved they were surprised to see me. "Ab? What're you doing here?" Cal asked me. "Is there a problem with her being here Calum? I don't think so." Ash joked.

Calum defensively shook his head, "No, of course not." He caught on that he was joking and rolled his eyes at him. They mentioned they were going out and said they would hopefully see me later.

After waiting about another five minutes, Luke finally came out. He looked comfortable as he wore joggers, a hoodie, and his hair in a small man bun. He sat down next to me on the couch and was quiet for a minute or two before building up enough courage to speak.

"I'm sorry." He said and I nodded, "I know." I mentally laughed at myself as I remembered this is exactly how my conversation with Erin started earlier.

"No Abby, I don't think you do. I'm embarrassed. That fact that I just thought flying here and singing to you would ultimately solve everything was wrong." I could tell his apology was really genuine.

"If I could redo everything that went wrong between us these past few years, I would do it in a heartbeat." He said to me. I remained silent, unable to think of anything to say.

Soon enough, I began to feel my eyes water up as he continued to apologize and explain himself. I cut him off in the middle of his sentence. 

"I slept with someone," I said and he immediately fell silent. I could see something change in him. Something snapped. Something broke. 

After taking a few minutes to collect his thoughts, he asked me the question I was dreading. "When?" 

I looked down at the ground and shook my head. "Last night. After the argument." I said and I saw a tear fall from his eye. "Who?" He asked seriously. 

My breath was shaky, "Luke, does it really matter wh-" 

"Who." He was no longer crying, but he seemed furious. I took a deep breath before answering, "Derek. I was with him at the concert last night." 

"That prick?" He asked and I shook my head. "Luke come on, don't be like tha-" 

"So after I tell you I still love you, you go fuck some guy you just met? Yeah, that's real classy, Abby." Luke said and I scoffed. "Don't be so hypocritical," I said to him but he completely ignored my comment.

I've never seen Luke so mad, it somewhat frightened me. "So do you actually love me, or do you just say that to all the guys you fuck?" His disrespectful question caught me off guard. I was baffled. 

"Of course I love you, you fucking asshole! What kind of question is that? You know I don't go around and give it up to every guy I see!" I was shouting. I was angry on the outside, but on the inside, my heart was aching, and I'm sure his was too.

"You sure about that? Because you sure gave it up to Derek really quick." The disrespect and the rude remarks felt like literal stabs to the heart. At this point, I was too upset to yell. 

I grabbed all of my things and opened the door, "Yeah, that's real classy, Luke." And left without another word said between either of us.