Love's Not a Competition

Prologue

Summer 2003

"Cherry, it's important. I wouldn't ask otherwise." Rick takes my hand across the table and tries to charm me into releasing him from his agreement to attend a work function with me this evening. He turns my hand over and strokes my palm with the tip of one finger while smiling in what he obviously thinks is an appealing way at me; his head tilted a little to one side, his blue eyes slightly pleading.

I pull my hand back and fold it away in my lap; this time his charm isn't going to work. Normally that pleading, puppy dog look makes me putty in his hands, but not today. I've kind of had enough. "This is important too."

'This' is an awards do sponsored by the publishing company I work for and I want to create a good impression; I've only worked for them for a few months and this is the first big event I've been required to attend. Also required; my boyfriend's attendance. For some reason the company are big on their employees husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends attending occasions such as this and I really, really don't want to upset my boss by turning up alone.

"It's a stupid book awards Cherry." He huffs, taking packets of sugar from the small bowl in the centre of the table and lining them up in a row, avoiding my gaze. "It'll be really boring."

"Yes, it probably will be." I can't say I disagree with him, I'm sure it won't be the most riveting evening we've spent together, but he agreed to come. He knew when I took the job that there'd be an expectation for him to come with me to certain events. "But you promised Rick, and it's important to my career."

"And this is important to my career." He raises one eyebrow and smirks slightly, as if to say 'Ha! Got you'.

In truth, I am slightly torn – I know the gig his band have been asked to do is important to him – but his little smirk has annoyed me even more than I was already. He's just recently jacked in his 'proper' job as a lecturer at the art college, which admittedly he hated – to concentrate fully on the band. Mind you he was hardly there anyway, he used to call in sick all the time so he could go off to gigs and stuff, and when he was there he'd be in the toilets before each class, throwing up because he was so nervous about teaching. They're probably glad he's gone, I know he's relieved to be out of it.

The gig is a much bigger one than they've done previously and with the band's first album coming out in a couple of weeks they need all the exposure they can get. But he's literally been asked an hour ago to do the gig tonight, and he promised to come to my work thing weeks ago. In my eyes once you've agreed to do something you don't drop out because you get a better offer, however boring the original plans are.

It's not the first time he's done this either, let me down at the last minute. The more serious he's become with the band, the more often it's happened and it's getting to the stage where enough is enough. I love him, but I feel like I'm being picked up and dropped whenever it suits him and I don't know how much longer I can keep letting that happen. I thought he loved me as much as I love him, but I'm beginning to wonder if he loves the band more. I haven't asked; I'm not sure that I want to know the answer.

"There'll be other gigs."

"And there'll be other boring work functions." He counters, collecting the packets of sugar together and putting them back in the bowl.

"Come on Rick, you promised; I'll even wear that black dress you like." At this stage I'm not above bribery, I have a new dress for tonight, but if wearing the slinky black dress he likes so much gets him to come along, then I'll wear that instead. "You know Mr Grainger wants everyone to bring their other halves."

He pauses for a couple of seconds as though he's considering my offer to wear his favourite dress, but then he swallows and looks past me, towards the door. "Tell him we've split up."

"Wh... what?" I frown and feel my stomach clench.

He shrugs his shoulders like it's no big deal. "Pretend we've split up. Then in a couple of weeks time you can tell them we've got back together again. That way we both get what we want."

"No we don't. YOU get what you want, I get to turn up tonight and lie to my boss. That's not the same as us both getting what we want at all."

Rick doesn't say anything, just pouts a little and plays with his watch strap.

"Do you want us to split up?" I ask nervously. That's still not us both getting what we want, because I don't want us to split up. Maybe he's had enough of me and I'm being set up to end this so that he doesn't have to. I don't think he'd be that devious, but it's hard to tell with him these days.

"No! Cherry, that's not what I meant. I just thought it would give you an excuse as to why I'm not there tonight." I can see a certain amount of panic in his eyes and he pulls at one of the leather cords around his neck nervously.

But I know his mind is made up; he's going to do the gig tonight not come to my work do as he promised he would. And I'm actually not convinced that he still wants us to be a couple, I don't know why, I suddenly feel uneasy about this.

"D'you know what Rick, just go." I lean down and pick my bag up from under the table and then start to get to my feet. "It's obvious this is important to you; more important than I am by the sound of it. Just... if you go..." I pause and swallow, a lump appearing in my throat as I prepare to offer my ultimatum, "... if you go, don't bother coming back. I've had enough."

With that I turn away from the table towards the coffee shop door, blinking back the tears that are forming. I half expect to hear the sound of his chair legs scraping on the floor as he gets up to follow me, to tell me that I'm the most important thing in his life and of course he'll come with me tonight, but I don't hear that. I hope to at least hear him call my name, call me back, but I don't even hear that; there's nothing but the low murmur of other customers enjoying their morning coffee and breakfasts, oblivious to what's just gone on at our little corner table.

A tear splashes down my cheek as I push open the door and walk out into the sunshine; it looks like I'll be telling Mr Grainger the truth tonight when I tell him Rick and I have split up.