i see dead people ↬ phan

three

Dan was sat at his desk, his dinner sits by his hand as he continues to write things down in a notebook he frequently used for school. It was times like these when he felt as if Phil's prying eyes weren't tearing apart his entire being, poking at his soul, or burning his skin. When he was working he was always occupied. His mind always focused on one thing and one thing only, which was completing the work.

Even if Phil's blue eyes still gazed down at teen who was sat working, it was easier to ignore his presence once his hand had begun to move and the gears in his mind began to spin.

School work had never been very difficult for Dan, it only became harder after Phil's death, when all his poor mind could focus one was the empty desk next to him. Out of pity his mother decided to continue his high school career online, deciding for him that it was for the better. Truthfully, he believed her. He too believed that it'd only hurt him more to be in those classrooms that had once been filled with Phil Lester's light but now, was deprived of it.

Although his hand was moving he felt his mind begin to slowly but surly wander away from the topic of his studies. He became spaced out and it was only when he had snapped back into reality when he noticed what on his paper he was written Phil. God, he despised this. It was not as if Phil was all that he thought about but with the others image practically attached to him like a poltergeist to a location, his memory was hard to escape.

Dan decided it was time for a break and slides his school work into the corner of his desk replacing the journal with the plate his mum had brought up to him at least an hour ago. He rubs his face, using his middle finger to rub the heaviness from under his eyes. The eye bags that hung below his brown eyes has grown darker over the past days. Phil had started to talk to him more in the evenings. God, it was hard to listen to.

The sound of the others hushed gravelly voice haunted him. Every. Single. Night. His friend often chose to sit at the edge of his bed, and Dan made sure to move his feet as far away from Phil as he possibly could. As much as he wanted to forget about his presence, being able to feel the weight being put on his bed made it ten times harder than if he silently stood. Watching. Phil did that too. Silently staring at his friend perform daily tasks. Phil was like a ghost, lingering, coasting about, following Dan's every move, trying ever so desperately to catch Dans gaze so he could possesses his thin frame.

Sometimes Dan wondered if his friend really was a ghost, if maybe the boy he once knew had turned into an untouchable supernatural being that was dedicated to haunting him. But he would immediately dismiss these thoughts, because if he was a ghost he would be unable to touch things, right? He'd go right through them, surly. Eventually though, Dan would dismiss these thoughts and place them in the trash with all of the other theories of what Phil could be. What could he be? In reality, he's thought many times about he answer to that question but he can't seem to find a proper answer— or even a reasonable one at that. Despite what all of the doctors have said, Dan believed that maybe, just maybe, he they were the ones that were wrong. Maybe Phil was something that only he could see.

He was brought out of his headspace when he hears Phil's voice again, asking for him to just look up. Dan swallows hard and looks down to the bowl of soup his mother had brought up to him a while before. It was cold now. But hey, it was food. Dan picks up his spoon, stirring the liquid gently before bringing the substance to his lips. Yeah, it was cold. The soup instantly decreased in quality because of it, but out of respect for his mum he holds back his grimace and chokes down most of the food that swirled around in the glass bowl.

After a while of eating the horribly freezing soup Dan plays with his food as a young child does, swishing his food back and forth, swirling it around, from clockwise to counter-clockwise. It was only when he stopped moving his spoon around that he realized something was off about the food in the bool. Once the liquid settles to a still position, Dan squints. There he was. Phil's reflection was found atop the food he had eaten half of. The brunette flinches in surprise, his heart slipping a beat whilst a breath gets caught in his throat.

Quickly, Dan shoved his seat back, picks up his bowl and swings open the door. He rushes downstairs to the kitchen, his breathing uneven and heavy. Once he enters the kitchen he runs over to the silver sink, bumping into the corner of the marble topped island on his way there. Practically throwing his dishes down he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, swallowing hard and breathing loudly.

Get out of my head.

Dan pleaded for rest, relaxation, and most importantly, peace of mind. He hasn't had all of those things for a very long time. Hell, he hasn't experienced one of those things since the day he figured out the one of the only good things in his life had disappeared.

Upon hearing the flattering of dishes in the sink his mother jogged in, seeing her son in such distress broke her already damaged heart. The woman approached her son, who was looking down at his feet, afraid of what he may look up to see.

"Dan. Daniel. Sweetheart, I need you to look at me." Her gentle voice slowly began to coax away the fear in Dans gaze. She slides towards her son, placing her aged hands upon the teenagers jaw, lifting up his face so she could look into his eyes. What she saw was horrifying but she could deal with it. Dans mother is most likely the strongest woman on the planet, and Dan knows it for sure.

"Shh, breathe for me, breathe." She didn't even know what had happened but her number one priority was to keep Dan from falling into a downward spiral. So, she guided him along, away from the thoughts. "Listen, listen," The older woman breathes, waiting for her son to mimic her long deep breaths. "There you go, there you go."

Dan lurches forward, hugging his mother tightly, his head buried into the crook of her neck, his hands grabbing fistfuls if the cardigan his mother had draped over her shoulders.

"I got you, I got you. Care to tell me what's going on Daniel?" The woman slowly begins to speak, whispering her words lightly, easing them out of her mouth as if being careful to not scare Dan off.

"I saw him mum. I saw him again— I can't— I can't keep seeing him. He- He's wherever I go! I cant escape! It hurts. Mum- Mum- it hurts so bad." Dan struggles to speak, stumbling over his words while still trying his best to maintain proper breathing.

"I know it hurts Bear, I know it hurts. Shh... breathe. Just breathe."

——
consistent updates? lmao who's that? we only know "updating every six years" on this account.

i'm sorry i suck at being active, i'm just not good at being creative lendjsbhddhsh

anyways i hope this chapter wasn't too shitty.

love you b

xx