Forgiveness from a Goddess (Kilgrave x OC)

Chapter Nine - Part Two: AKA Aches and Pains

Large tears freely fell down Iris's face, blurring her view, as she walked down the lonely street. Her tough front had vanished the moment she turned the corner out of Kilgrave's sight, and she was back to being the pushed-around teenager. Multiple times, she had thought about turning around and asking him for forgiveness but didn't want to give in to what she knew deep down wasn't her fault.

Since the area she was in was the suburbs, she didn't have as much fear walking down the seemingly empty street as she would have had in New York. However, the darkness lingering in clumps at the fencing of each house and beyond the lamp light's ability still casted a paranoid and dreadful feeling. Most of the neighbors owned their own car, so Iris didn't expect a taxi to come by anytime soon, especially this late. She didn't have enough pocket money anyway but was hoping one of them could take a check.

Her feet scuffled along the sidewalk, and she was annoyed with how loud her shoes scraped against the concrete. At least she had something else to focus on: what type of walking made the least noise. Her tears still left a path, darkening the dry sidewalk as she settled on just walking the normal way, and sullen thoughts returned to her numb self. She sniffled a few times and used the rough cuff of her shirt to rub her raw eyes.

I'm so stupid — completely and utterly stupid for letting myself fa- letting myself get attached to this inhuman person who doesn't even care about anyone other than himself, who has committed so many horrible crimes just because he could. But he didn't know better- He should have. He should have seen a hint to the hurt he was causing — any hint at all. There is no excuse for that. He's smart enough to figure it out after a few times, and he's had years.

And there's no excuse for me enabling him either — no matter what my heart wanted me to do. That night on the table was wrong. Maybe it was rape, and I let him get away with it. I should have left then. It sure as hell would have been easier. But no, I just had to forgive him and push it away like it never happened. It did happen. And then he apologized, and I just felt like he didn't mean it — swooned like Faith whenever his words turned into honey. He spoon-fed me and took me on a d- took me out to help with my writing and as another sign of being sorry.

But afterwards, he gave me the cold shoulder, and everything turned into some stupid game with me getting punished just for hanging out with my crush. He thought he needed physical proof that he owns me, but he had owned me early on. Even I don't know when my heart started to rely on him and his opinions or the stupid kisses I spurred on. I wasted too much on him — time, energy, care, my first kiss, and my lo- my... my...

Feeling like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her whole body, Iris stopped walking and stiffened, eyes wide in shock.

There's no way... It's impossible. I've never loved anyone, and no one has ever loved me. My writing is the closest thing to ever having a love life. "Married to my work," I'd say whenever my friends tried to set me up. I have too many trust issues because of... And flings aren't my thing. I can't handle heartbreak. But...

Iris clutched the aching part in her chest.

Whatever this is hurts. And we've kissed and done other things. We must have stopped being friends somewhere, right? Then there was that stupid article... But he doesn't love me because he only loves Jessica. On the other hand, he did offer... He offered for us all to be together. Is that wrong?

She rubbed her forehead in confusion.

It definitely isn't right. Jessica doesn't even want to be near him — hates him, in fact — and he was making her stay despite that. She doesn't love him like I... like I do. It could've been just us, and I would try my best to keep him happy, like I had been. Did he even realize...? But what if he kept hurting people? Hurting me? No, I couldn't have stayed. This night was inevitable... But it still hurt.

From behind her, Iris heard a car pull up and carefully glanced over her shoulder. She couldn't see the driver because of the bright headlights, but she recognized the car. It slowed down to a stop, and a man in a suit stepped out, holding the backdoor open for her.

"Hank," Iris greeted softly and swallowed after hearing how sick she sounded. Before she stepped in, he stopped her.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked, scanning her for any signs of being attacked. She still had her book bag, so she couldn't have been mugged.

"Physically, yes," she answered and shrugged her book bag off to toss in the backseat. Hank watched her settle in next to her bag and closed the door. When he got into the driver's seat, he waited for her to put her belt on before pulling the car off the side of the road.

"Where do you want to go?"

To him.

"My apartment."

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The car ride had been silent. Hank never was much of a talker, and Iris didn't think she could handle talking for a while. Instead, she distracted herself with counting the houses they passed or the seconds it took to get from one block to another.

Upon entering her apartment, she flicked the lights on and frowned. It was like coming out of a terrible fairy tale or finishing up a novel and she had to face reality again.

"Is there anything else you need, ma'am?" Hank spoke up from behind her. He had followed to make sure she would be fine — for now at least.

"No." She let out a deep, shaky sigh. "I'll probably just... stay up and do homework." After setting her bag on the cheap-looking table, she unzipped it and began taking out a few of her assignments. Her heart dropped when she realized she had forgotten something — something so important to her she briefly wondered how she had even forgotten it: her laptop. She frantically searched every inch of her bag to no success, and her body sagged noticeably.

"Something wrong?"

"My laptop," she said quietly, not wanting to head back but needing the device. It was her lifeline. "I left it there."

"I can fetch it for you, ma'am." She shook her head, just wanting to forget about everything for a moment.

"It's a bit late. I won't have you driving back and forth just for something small like that." Even Hank could tell how "small" it really wasn't. "He'll probably come by tomorrow anyway. Can you bring it then? Or have him bring it?"

"Of course, ma'am. You have our numbers if you change your mind," he said before leaving her tiny apartment.

Tiny and lonely.