troubled

and you let her go (part 2 of 4)

A/N heya my little balls of insanity! sorry I didnt update last week, ive been busy with end of year exams and random boring crap like that.

btw, 'son of a killer' wont be updated until troubled is finished.after son of a killer, ill do the second book of troubled, which will be called....

'live life as it comes, die when it hits you'

thats all for now

stay insane

bye

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mickayla's p.o.v

its the adoption day, wednesday 2nd November, and to be honest, im nervous.even though I dont want to be adopted, im still conscious of the possibility of being chosen.

i sat in the living room, twiddling my thumbs, whilst ben and jeff were groaning at the screen, playing mw3.

boys, am I right?

nick walks in, his eyes donning his usual eyeliner, his perfect lips studded with snake bites and his nose ring was present as always.he was rocking a snapback cap and a black adidas hoodie with white triple stripes going down the arms, and black skinny jeans completed the look.the hat made his hair seem longer, as it covered his eyes partly.

he looked in my direction, gave me a half-smile, and ruffled sally's (who had entered the room after him) hair softly.he looks at me again, and I see something under the thin coat of eyeliner.they were bags, and I noticed how tired he looked.

"whats wrong?" I ask, patting the spare seat next to me, but he stays there, staring at me.

'whats with him?'

he walks out, and I see a tear drop hit the carpet.i walk after him, tailing him.i dont let him see me, and he locks his door.i listen to his quiet talking through the door, although I can barely make out what he's saying.

"why......lose her......its too much......I have to let her go.......shell be better off..."

at that point I stopped listening to the sound of his voice, which was now muffled by quiet sobbing.

was he dumping me? did he meet someone else? is he getting adopted and he doesnt wanna tell me? all these thoughts swirled around in my head, like sharks circling a swimmer in the ocean.

I clear my thoughts and walk outside to the garden.there are a couple of old swings and I sit on one, slowly rocking back and forth, thinking over what he said.

he definitely wasnt dumping me, or found someone else.but the last option came at me like a bitch slap to the mouth.

what if he actually is getting adopted? could he be?

if he is, why isnt he telling me?

im going to ask him...

"um...u-h.....m-m-micki? mark said its y-y-your turn with the v-visitors"

I heard his angelic voice, reduced to stutters.i swirled round and there he was, his eyes purposely hidden by his hair, but I saw his black eyeliner, dripping down his cheeks.i pretend not to notice, and I give him a light kiss on the cheek, which he barely acknowledged, and walked to the interview room, nearly in tears.

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"hello mickayla, Im mariana, and this is my husband roland.mark has told me that you are sixteen, nearly seventeen?"

mariana's statement came out like a question.i nodded politely, but my interests and mind were elsewhere.

roland asked me a question that I never expected, and it caught me off guard.

"um we also know that you have depression, cutting problems and anorexia. do you have a therapist?"

I shook my head and answered quietly, "I dont need one.the other foster kids treat me better than any shrink could.they are my friends, and my family too.then there is nick-"I stopped when I mentioned nick.my wounded saviour, my mangled shield, my broken heart.i stopped and choked back tears.

"nick? is he a member of the care home?" mariana asked, curious to my un-finished speech.

"yes he's my...boyfriend and he like me, cuts.his mother died of heart failure, and his dad took drugs, got drunk all the time, and beated nick because of him being bisexual-" the pair of adults froze at the mention of his sexual orientation,"-and his dad was arrested and nick was sent here.hes been here for a few weeks"

"oh dear, the poor boy.how...suicidal is he?" roland asked.

"so suicidal that he took ten overdoses, jumped off two bridges, and tried to hang himself. every time it would fail, fortunately, he would be stopped by a passing civillian or whatever. I have to stay awake all night to keep an eye on him.im really scared for him."

they both nod, and then they look behind me.i follow their gaze, and I see nick, blood trickling down his arms, his face expressionless.

"I wish you wouldn't" was all he said.

but it was enough to make me stop dead.

(continued on part three)