Tom Holland || Imagines

Panic attacks || Tom Holland

A/N: hey just a heads up, this imagine is based off of MY EXPERIENCES with panic attacks. Everyone has them differently but the way it is described here is what I have experienced.

Warnings: anxiety, panic attacks, angst

Word count: 1179

Y/N POV:

My brow was furrowed tightly as I tossed and turned in my sleep. A thin sheen of sweat covered my body. Soft whimpers occasionally leaving my lips. Suddenly my eyes flung open, a loud scream escaped me as I sat up quickly. My head was spinning, everything seemed so surreal, I couldn't tell if I was still dreaming or if I was awake. My hands gripped my arms, nails digging into my skin so hard small spurts of blood appeared. I flinched as my bedroom door flew open, hitting the wall behind it and probably chipping the paint. My roommate came rushing in, his face paled when seeing me curled up in my bed, struggling to breathe. I flinched again when I felt the bed dip besides me.

"Hey, y/n, what happened" My best friend softly whispered, his hands hovering, barley touching my skin, as if he was scared to touch me.

"T-tom." I sobbed

"It's me, it's me." Another choked sob left my lips as I continued to hyperventilate.

"I-I can't b-breathe." I gasped out, my whole body shaking.

"Yes you can, you're okay. What do you want me to do?"

Suddenly, the room fell silent.

I couldn't quite figure out what had happened until my vision began to blur. I could hear Tom's muffled voice calling out to me. I felt his hands cup my cheeks forcing me to look into his brown eyes. I looked down at his lips and tried to make out what he was saying.

Breathe. Y/n. Breathe!

I finally sucked in some air. The buzzing in my ears stopped and my vision began to clear.

"Thank god!" Tom breathed out. "Ok, now, y/n just look at me." I obeyed, and continued to stare into his worried eyes.

"Listen to me breathe." He began to exaggerate his breathing, inhaling and exhaling loudly so that I would hear.

After slowing my breathing down, I began to float back into the present. When I had completely calmed down, we sat in silence staring at each other until I burst out into tears. Tom instantly wrapped me tightly into his chest. He softly stroked my hair and whispered 'you're okay, I'm here' over and over again. I cried into his chest, until I felt like I couldn't anymore. When my breathing evened out, he released me from his grasp and his hands moved down to my wrists, pulling at them until I finally let go of my wounded arms. He moved to get off the bed but I stopped him by grasping his wrist.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm just going to get some stuff for your arms."

I didn't let go, I only gripped him harder until he covered my hands with his and I reluctantly let go of him. He gave me a reassuring look before turning around and walking into my bathroom. I watched him open the mirror and grab a stack of cotton pads and some bandages, fill up a small bucket of warm water and throw a face towel over his shoulder. He walked back over to the bed, where I was still curled up, staring blankly at the duvet that was lying on the floor.

He gently sat down next to me and placed the objects on the bed. He held his hand out and I hesitantly placed my hand in his. He smiled at me before dipping the towel in the water and placing it on the crescent-shaped wounds. I winced at the sting of the water seeping into my cuts as he gently washed the blood away. Once he had finished cleaning and bandaging my arms, he moved everything to the floor and threw the blood stained towel into the laundry basket. He carefully cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes.

"It's been a while since that has happened." Tom whispered.

I paused before I shook my head in response. It had happened many times while he was in Atlanta filming. I promised him that I would call him whenever it happened, but I didn't want to bother him while he was working. He searched my face and sighed. I let a single tear roll down my cheek but Tom wiped it away with his thumb.

"Don't cry darling, it kills me to see you like this." I watched as Tom's face reddened slightly, tears brimmed his eyes. This time it was my turn to cup his cheeks. He closed his eyes, sighing, and leaned into my touch. My heart tightened in my chest. I love him so much.

"I'm okay." I croaked out. Tom opened his eyes and furrowed his brow.

"No. No, you're not."

I whimpered slightly, and slowly nodded as I chewed the inside of my cheek.

"But i'm fine for now." My hands moved to the back of his neck, rubbing the short hairs with my thumbs, "I have you here."

I smiled slightly and he returned it, both of our eyes still filled with sadness. We sat, staring into each others eyes in the darkness, the moon being our only source of light at this time. A couple of minutes passed before I pulled him closer to me, and rested his forehead on mine.

"You should've told me that they had come back." Tom whispered, his breath fanning over my face.

I didn't respond, instead, I pressed our lips together, sweetly kissing him. A quiet moan left Tom. He gripped my cheeks harder and tried to pull me closer to him. His soft lips delicately danced with mine until we ran out of breath. We parted and rested our foreheads on each other, returning to our previous position.

"I love you." I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I love you too," He whispered back, "So fucking much." He wiped my tears away once again.

He moved away from me and reached down to pull the duvet back up onto the bed. He lied down and dragged me down with him, covering the both of us in the warm cotton. I wrapped my arms around his torso and snuggled into his chest. I felt his arm snake around my shoulder and his face press into my hair.

"You've got to stop holding your breath y/n. You scared me to half to death earlier." His voice cracked. I stayed silent, fiddling with his thin shirt as his fingers softly drew patterns on my back. He kissed the top of my head.

"Go to sleep y/n." I shook my head vigorously.
"It's okay, I've got you. You need to rest." I sighed and closed my eyes. I heard Tom softly humming a sweet melody until I felt myself dip back into sleep.

A/n: I literally cried while writing this. I have had so many attacks like this but I always wake up to an empty room...so i wanted to write this in hopes of something like it happening someday.