The Art Of Falling Apart

2

I don't know what to call it.

Call it a sixth sense if you want to, but I could just feel like something bad was about to happen. Maybe I'm just pessimistic but I was a firm believer in gut feelings and this was one of them. Shrugging nonchalantly, I close the light and immediately make a beeline for my bed. I tuck myself in and close my eyes trying to ignore the nagging feeling.

And that's when I hear it.

The noise I wish I could tune out more than anything. It starts off as irritated mummers and then it increases. Yelling. Shouting. Obscenities even from my room I could hear. And of course only one person was responsible for this.

Dad.

He was yelling again.

When I was finally hoping that he had changed.

I try to cover my ears but nothing was going to keep out his voice. More profanities are attacked against my mother.

This game was becoming annoyingly repetitive. He seems to act as if he has changed, and then one sudden action or slight movement unleashes his anger and stress upon her.

Upon us.

I stand up gently opening my door and make my way down stairs.

One step.

Two.

And like this I walk down the stairs until my final foot hits the last dreaded step. But by the time I'm down the noise has decreased and he's on the sofa watching TV. And my mothers busying herself with putting away the dishes. I walk over and check her face for any signs of hurt or pain.

But she's like me.

She's knows how to hide and hide it she does. If I hadn't known better I would have thought what happened wouldn't have happened at all. No bruises or marks painted her face so instead I put my hand reassuring on her shoulder.

She just tells me to go to sleep emotionlessly. A clear sign she wants to be alone. So I hug her and with a glance towards my father who looks to have regretted the occurrence, I leave.

And as I bound up the stairs I repeat to myself words I have repeated every time. I repeat them as I walk to my room clenching my fists. I repeat them as I get into bed. And I repeat them as I toss and turn trying to fall asleep.

Crying doesn't make it better. Crying makes you weak.